Making Amends....to the dog?

Hey all! It's been awhile since I blogged! I think I go through spurts where I feel like writing and then I go in spurts where I don't. I've had a cold that has dragged me down and made me in somewhat of a "blah" mood so I'm sure that has something to do with it. On days like that I'm sure I would just depress everyone who read this. HA

So in my recovery news everything is pretty status quo. I'm going to meetings, doing my step work, and starting to try to take a more active role in our recovery community. My sponsor told me that it's time I pick a home group so I think I've figured that out. I belong to a great group of women in recovery and they have all been a great help on this journey of mine and I'm so grateful to them every single day. That will become my home group so basically I will do more service work, etc. for that group. It's a good way to be kept accountable. We also started this past weekend doing a Big Book study in which we are literally going through the Big Book page by page. I'm loving this group so far and look forward to going again next Sunday!

As for step work I am to the dreaded Step 9 - making amends. Now, I've definitely said I'm sorry more times over the past 9 months than I ever have in my life - and MEANT it when I said it. But making amends it a lot more than that. It's not only saying "I'm sorry" but it's saying "I was wrong" which is a big thing. Most people are tired of hearing "I'm sorry." Starting with "I was wrong" is a whole different meaning. To then go into everything you did that was wrong to these people and tell them your part in it ("I was selfish when I did "x"", etc.) is a really huge deal. I have to say this one is a little scary for me. Maybe it shouldn't be and I think some will be easier than others but damn. It will be very humbling for sure which is part of the point of this step. I know that I will feel some freedom once I do these amends so in a way I am looking forward to them. I joked with my sponsor, "Can I start with the dog? I feel he will be a good listener. And really, what can he say back that is bad? I owe him some apologies!" HAHA So, Rocko, you will be the first of a long list of amends that need to be made. Prepare yourself.

One of my friends that I met at rehab is coming tomorrow to stay for a couple of days - I am beyond excited!!! It's amazing the friends that you can make while in rehab. I went in thinking, "Oh I do NOT get along with women. THis is going to be horrible!," to coming out with some amazing friendships. You kind of go to hell and back with these women in a way. Unfortunately I have to say that most of the girls I was in rehab with just 8 short months ago have relapsed. Some relapsed and then got back into the program, some relapsed and have not yet found their way, some are trying "controlled drinking" (which really, if you can do that then in my opinion you aren't truly an alcoholic), and there are a few who are still doing the deal and are clean and sober. I pray for these ladies every single night and love each and every one of them even those who have not yet found their way. Anyway, my friend who is coming tomorrow is still going strong on her sober journey so we have great plans to eat junk food, watch trashy reality TV, and live in sweats for the next couple of days. Doesn't this sound grand??? I think so. :)

I am becoming a bit obsessed again with decorating our house. We had only lived in our new house for about 3 months before I started decorating for fall then straight into Christmas. So now what...my house looks bare!!! Time to get back in the game. More to come on that!

Oh, and I got my hair colored for the first time! Damn you gray hairs. I am 30 and have them. Thanks mother. HA It's a little darker than it was before and I love it! CHEESE!