Rebooting

No, I'm not rebooting my computer or my cable box (which is annoying to have to do by the way!), but I realized this week I need to "reboot" some things in my life.  I mentioned that I was kind of in a funk this past weekend and I'm happy to say that I made myself snap right out of that on Monday.  New week, sunny day, and time to get off the pity pot as my sponsor would say.  :)

Monday night I went to my home group meeting and as always I felt better after I left there.  Yesterday I went to an awesome meeting at noon and heard so many things that I needed to hear.  Isn't it amazing how that tends to happen?  Turns out that a LOT of people are in this kind of "funk" right now.  Maybe it's the weather.  Maybe it's the holidays.  Maybe we are just alcoholics and addicts?  HA  Either way, it was great to go and hear that others were going through this and I was able to hear their solutions to this.  I especially love hearing from people who have longterm sobriety discuss going through a slump and their solutions.  It's good to hear that I'm "normal" for an alcoholic and that this too shall pass.  It's also really cool that I can recognize today when I am in this type of funk and that I do NOT like wallowing in that place for long.  Don't get me wrong, I let myself wallow sometimes longer than I should but I'm able to say today that that is an icky place to be.  I prefer being on the happy side of sober. 

Tonight I met with a sponsee at Starbucks (I swear it's the unofficial meeting spot for alcoholics...HA) and it was good to get out of my own head for a little bit.  That is one of the greatest joys of sponsoring women and I am blessed to have great sponsees in my life who I learn from all of the time.  I went to a women's meeting tonight and it was awesome and again, I heard what I needed to hear and felt great when I left there. 

As far as the "reboot" I'm referring to, I kind of realized that I've been slipping in my recovery program.  Not huge slips - just not doing as much as I used to or as much as I need to.  For the past couple of weeks I haven't been hitting as many meetings as I normally do.  I haven't been reading as much as I normally do.  Just little things but they can become big things fast for those of us who need a consistent program and daily reprieve.  So I'm kind of rebooting my program - time to get back in the frame of mind I was in when I was newer in the program.  I have to remember that my recovery program comes before anything else in my life.  I have heard whatever you put ahead of your recovery you are sure to lose eventually and I believe that.  Especially with the holidays coming up I need to really make sure that I have a good action plan for working the program that I know I need to.

I think I'm rambling now but in addition to that I've started thinking about my physical health as well.  I used to workout all the time and eat super healthy.  That is something that I can become obsessive with so I have to watch it but I think I'm ready to start the new year off getting slowly back into that way of life.  I know that I feel SO much better when I eat healthy and exercise regularly.  Here's to hoping I can make myself do it when the time comes! 

Hope everyone is having a great week - 19 days until Christmas....eeek!

It's Been Awhile....

It's been a really long time since I have blogged.  I seem to go in spurts like that with everything that I do.  I'll blog a lot....then I won't blog at all.  I'll sew a lot....then I won't sew at all.  I'll do a ton of puzzles...then none for a year.  I was talking to my sponsor about this and she just kind of laughed.  We alcoholics tend to have this "all or nothing" mentality and I think that I must carry that over into all parts of my life including hobbies.  I definitely keep busy with hobbies but it's like I have hobby ADD or something.  HA 

For a quick catch up, life is good here.  Today I celebrate 19 months of sobriety and for that I am truly grateful.  Sheridan is busy with cheerleading, Will is busy just being Will, and Tabi is about to finish her first semester of college and is doing really well.  I couldn't be more proud of them all!  Rocko is enjoying laying around being Rocko.  I think he makes the Christmas tree look even better don't you? 

My recovery journey continues day by day and I have to admit, it's not always super easy.  If it was easy, everyone would do it right?  I don't want to drink.  But the emotional sobriety isn't always the easiest thing in the world to keep on track. It isn't always easy to not get involved in other people's problems, especially if it's family you are dealing with.  Even while working what I consider to be a pretty good program I still have days where I just want to crawl in bed and pull the covers over my head and not talk to anyone at all.  I have days where everything around me is frustrating and makes me irritible.  These days are very few and far between thank goodness.  I'm having one of those days today and it's for no reason at all.  Maybe it's the gray and gloomy wet weather?  I'm not sure.  I'm thankful today though that I don't have to drink over a bad day and that I have tools to use to not kill anyone around me.  :) 

In my last post I talked about going off of my Lexapro.  That didn't last very long.  I wanted to try to go off of it but it just didn't work for me and that's okay.  When I was off of it I was turning into a person that I didn't like.  I got to the point where I felt like I was crawling out of my own skin and was irritated by everything around me.  I was turning back into the "old April" very slowly but I could feel it creeping in.  I was just not being a nice person and that isn't me anymore.  I decided to talk to my psychiatrist about going back on the Lexapro and when I told her how I was feeling she was like, "Why would you NOT go back on it???"  Good point.  So I went back on it and was fine again within a week or two.  Some people think it's not a good thing to take those kinds of meds, but if you need them, you need them.  Some people even in recovery still need extra help and I'm okay with that. 

We are gearing up for the holidays around here.  The kids and I decorated our trees last weekend and as always it was a great time.  We put up our big family tree and it is filled with ornaments that all have meaning to me.  Each year everyone gets a new ornament to hang on the tree and that is a great tradition that the kids look forward to.  In the dining room Sheridan and I put up our candy theme tree.  I always wanted one of those and now I have one.  It's beautiful!  In the breakfast room we have our University of Kentucky blue and white tree with UK ornaments on it.  Go Cats!  The kids all have small trees in their bedrooms and we have another one in the basement.  To say I go a little crazy at Christmas is possibly an understatement.  :)  Next week I will start my Christmas baking and I enjoy that SO much.  I give so many baked goods as gifts at this time of the year and I truly love doing that. 

I hope everyone has a great holiday season!  Now it's time for me to go catch up on all of the blogs that I used to read!  :)

Lexapro withdrawal symptoms make you feel amazing and wonderful! - said NO ONE EVER

Hey all!  I haven't written in so long because....well...hm.  Have you ever seen those funny signs that say, "I have so much to do...I think I'll just take a nap"?  That has been me lately.  We've had several things going on - some good, some not so good but we've been super busy.  I have so many things I want to write about both recovery related and just life stuff.  Hopefully this week I can get around to some of that.  But today, let's talk about the title of this post.

Lexapro withdrawal symptoms make you feel amazing and wonderful!" - said NO ONE EVER.

(This is NOT me, but this is TOTALLY how I felt today. I feel for this girl.  HA)

I need to write about this for a couple of reasons.  One, I just need to whine, okay?  I rarely do that anymore so I need to sometimes.  Today is that day.  HA!  Two, I know a lot of people go through this and it's been helpful to me reading what others have gone through.  So let's talk about this wonderful thing I'm going through right now.

A couple of years ago, I started seeing both a therapist and a psychiatrist as many people do when they later find out that addiction/alcoholism is their problem.  That of COURSE was not MY problem.  No sirree.  Not me.  I'm not THAT girl.  Riiiiight.  Anyway, so I was having a lot of anxiety and depression so my psychiatrist put me on Lexapro.  I was willing to try anything at that point (or so I told myself...stopping drinking might have helped, no?) so I started taking 10mg of Lexapro and went on my merry way.  Now, they tell you not to drink with a drug like this.  Yeah.  I really listened to that one.  Not so much.  I just kept on drinking like it was my job on top of taking the Lexapro so who really knows what it was or wasn't doing for me during that time. 

When I was very heavy in my drinking towards the end I quit taking my Lexapro.  I also quit taking my Synthroid, Allegra, everything else I should have been taking.  I just quit taking care of myself period.  So I stopped the Lexapro cold turkey but didn't notice any withdrawal symptoms.  Well, DUH.  I was drunk all of the time.  Of course I wouldn't have noticed the withdrawal symptoms.  I know that now.  At the time I was just like, okay, whatever, no more pills! 

When I went to rehab I got back on my 10mg of Lexapro and probably honestly needed it at the time.  That was the best thing I have ever done but it was also scary and I had tons of emotions and had to actually FEEL them and PROCESS them without a mind altering substance like alcohol.  Talk about frightening.  That was in May of 2011.  I've been taking 10mg since then and have been fine with it. 

Now, I know a lot of people when they get sober they decide to try going off their anti depressants.  I really wanted to do that because I don't want to be taking anything that isn't necessary.  My sponsor and psychiatrist and I agreed that once I had been sober for a year then we could revisit going off of the Lexapro.  2 weeks ago I decided that I wanted to try it.  I'm sitting at almost 16 months sober and most days I work a pretty good program and feel pretty happy.  I rarely am agitated, irritable, anxious, etc.  I do have those days of course but they are nothing like I used to experience.  So I thought, why  not?  Now seems like a good time.  So I talked to my psychiatrist and she set me up on a schedule to ween off of the medicine in a pretty soft manner.  I was to do 10-5-10-5 every other day for a week then do 5-0-5-0 until the next week when I would go off completely.  I weened off and felt fine.  I truly thought, huh.  All these people talking about Lexapro withdrawals on the Internet are being dramatic and that obviously isn't going to happen to me.  That is what I get for thinking that.  WRONG.

About 3 days after going completely off of the Lexapro I started getting what is commonly referred to as "brain zaps."  These are fairly common when going off of SSRI's according to everything I've read.  It wasn't horrible.  I definitely could tell something weird was going on but it wasn't to where I couldn't function.  My mood wasn't affected, no headaches, no nausea, none of the other stuff I had read about.  Again I became smug.  BAD IDEA. 

Today which is a week after stopping the Lexapro I feel awful.  I woke up fine but as the morning went on my body began to really hate me.  I was out running errands and I was driving.  I began to feel really nauseated and dizzy and almost like I was carsick.  I get really carsick anyway so I hate that feeling.  I stopped off and got a Sprite to drink thinking I could calm it down.  Didn't happen.  I was just trying to get home as fast as I could at that point.  I was praying that I didn't vomit in the car while I was driving.  I thankfully had a trusty McDonald's bag there just in case.  HA  I have never felt carsick while driving but that is exactly how it felt.  I was miserable.  I got home and just crashed on the couch.  I never threw up but felt like it for quite some time.  I found that if I just stayed very still then I was okay.  But when I would move at all the dizziness came flying back.  This must be what Vertigo feels like.  It is NOT fun. 

That is pretty much how I have spent my day.  It has really been off and on.  I'll be fine for a bit then the dizziness and nausea will come back.  Along with being super tired and having hot flashes.  Yeah, fun.  My psychiatrist said if I wanted I could go back to taking 5mg and try to taper again but honestly I just want to be done with the Lexapro once and for all and if I start taking any dose of it again, then I'll have to go through this all again and I certainly do not want that.  I've read people say that it can take a month for this to go away.  I have to say, I may not be able to take this for a week much less a month.  So we will see what I end up doing.

Thanks for letting me whine.  I mean I did this to myself, deciding to go off of the pills so I don't expect much sympathy but thanks for reading anyway.  I'll get back to happier topics later this week hopefully because I have a TON of good going on right now to focus on.  Don't think my gratitude is gone - it's just taking a backseat for a minute today!  I won't sit in the pity pot for long though as my sponsor would call it.  :)

Say Cheese!

We have lived in our new house now for a little over a year and I am sorry to say that I still have a lot of blank wall space.  It's not that I don't WANT things hung...it's that I haven't made the time to figure out what I want on each wall, to purchase things, to make things...whatever the case might be.  I am finally starting to get on this though because I think a house looks so much homier with pictures hung, don't you?? 

I am trying to be more thrifty about things and thanks to Pinterest I find all sorts of wonderful ideas to save money on house projects.  I knew I needed several frames for a couple of gallery walls but I also know frames can really add up.  What to do, what to do...ah!  I had a ton of old frames just laying around in drawers that were outdates - brass (just not my taste...) or just in need of some love.  I decided to sand them down and give them a fresh coat of paint to make them all black.  I had some black acrylic paint so after sanding the frames I used the black paint and viola!  Easy peasy and much cheaper than buying all new frames!

I also needed some mattes but didn't want to spend the money on those either.  So I decided to just whip those up myself with something that I saw on Pinterest.  I already had a couple that I had bought awhile back so I decided to use those for a template in making my own mattes.  I had seen on Pinterest where someone used cereal boxes and upcycled them into mattes.  I have a ton of boxes like that in my pantry that I would have just thrown away so I decided to put them to good use.

First I took the matte that I already had and traced it onto the inside of the box I was using.  I then used a utility knife to cut out the pattern from the box.  Using the cardboard box makes the matte look thicker than if you just used regular paper to create one.  This makes a difference!

Next step is to figure out how you want your matte to look.  You can use plain white paper or colorful scrapbook paper.  I opted for some scrapbook paper that I already had around the house.  Lay the matte that you cut out of cardboard on the back of your sheet of cardstock.  Trace onto the scrapbook paper so that it is the same size as your cardboard matte.  Now cut the shape out of the scrapbook paper.  I again used a utility knife here. 

Now that you have both pieces of your matte ready, it's time to glue them together.  I used rubber cement for this but I'm sure any type of glue would work.  Glue them together then make sure they fit in the frame.  I had to trim off a little on a couple of them but for the most part they were close to perfect.

Now you can place the matte in your frame and add a picture!  I'm sure my best friend won't mind me showing off her gorgeous child on here to show you my final products.  :)



Now that I had my frames and my mattes ready, it was time to hang them on the wall.  I have looked at a ton of ideas for hanging pictures in a stairway and finally decided I would just do it my own way. Everyone has different sizes of frames and different ideas so there is no right or wrong way to do this in my opinion.  I cut paper to the sizes of the frames I would be using and hung them on the wall so I could easily move it around until I decided how I wanted everything.  I wrote on the pieces of paper what size of picture would go in each so it would help me decide what to put in each frame.  I had to explain a couple of times, no, this is not some new kind of art I am trying out....

I am extremely pleased with the final product!  I will add a few more to the bottom most likely.  I love having family pictures on this wall!

We also recently finished up another photo gallery in our basement.  We are doing a music theme in that room as we both grew up around music, playing music, listening to music, etc.  I used old photos of our family members playing instruments and some newer ones of hubby playing the guitar.  I mixed in a couple of cool wire pieces that I found at Hobby Lobby.  One more project completed!

Busy in the Meadow!

I haven't blogged in a SUPER long time and my excuse is just that life has gotten in the way.  I have to be in the mood to blog for one thing and for another, actually sitting down at a computer for long enough to collect thoughts and actually type them out just hasn't been happening for me.  But tonight, TONIGHT I decided time to stop making excuses and get on this.  (That, and well, my best friend Erin says she doesn't even feel like she knows me until she reads my blog to catch up on my life. Considering we have been best friends for over 25 years I'd say she knows me better than almost anyone but I'll humor her here....)

Let's just go with an update of everyone living under my roof.  We are all running every which way so here we go starting with the baby:

Rocko:  Rocko is, well, being Rocko.  He is enjoying summer because he likes to sunbathe by the windows.  His allergy shots are now spread out to every 7 days which is good for all involved.  He does have Twitter though so if you want a good laugh, you can follow him @babydogrocko.  He turns 3 on August 28th!  I better get planning his birthday treat....

Will:  Will has spent the summer pretty much just hanging out.  He went to baseball camp at USI which is my alma mater and had a great time learning from the "big boys".  He and I have spent a lot of time playing "HORSE" at the pool this summer and I think we are about even on wins vs. losses.  He does make me get on my knees though so I'm the same height as him in the pool.  HA!  All I can really say about him is that 8 year old boys say the darndest things and he just makes me laugh all the time just by being himself.  Football should be starting soon for him.  Or maybe soccer.  Or maybe both!  Time will tell!

Sheridan:  Sheridan started 7th grade today!  I can't believe that.  She has become boy crazy this summer which is hysterical to me.  She is also currently obsessed with the band One Direction and has a shrine to them in her room.  Almost an entire wall is covered in One Direction posters that she has spent hours making.  Some people don't like their kids putting that crap on their walls but honestly?  She gets to use her creativity and she loves it so it's whatever as far as I'm concerned.  She made cheerleader for this year so this summer has been a lot of conditioning and a week of cheer camp.  She hates the conditioning so hopefully once they actually get to start cheering at games she will be happier about this decision.  :)

(Sheridan and I at Panama City Beach in July!)

Tabi:  Tabi has been trying to enjoy her summer before starting college.  We've all been getting used to having a "kid" in our house who is no longer in high school but is yet still living in our house.  A lot of discussions about rules, money, etc. but I think we have it all figured out now after a lot of tears, arguments, and eye rolls.  Teenage girls are tough, period.  HA  She is still working at Subway being a "sandwich artist" and will start college in a week and a half at Ivy Tech.  She is excited about school which makes me excited!  I can't wait to see what she is going to do with her life - she is talented enough to do anything she wants!  I will personally be happy for all the high school drama to be over.  Though really?  Is it EVER really over?  Hm.

(Tabi at her graduation party with our nephew Brayden!)

Tommy:  Tommy has just been trying to keep all of us in line :)  Tough job but someone has to do it.  We are starting our backyard overhaul this week so he has been keeping pretty busy figuring out plans for that project.  He is also almost to the point of having his wood shop put together enough to start building furniture again and I can't wait for that!!!  I have so many things I NEED him to build for me.  :)

(Tommy and I in Panama City Beach celebrating our 5 year wedding anniversary!)

Me:  I've been running around like a chicken with my head off this summer.  Running the kids all over the place, getting Tabi ready for college, visiting with family, helping my best friend move, etc. etc.  The list goes on but it is all great things and I'm blessed to have all of the people in my life that I do.  Recovery is going very well.  I had 15 months of sobriety on August 2nd and I'm still going strong.  I am now sponsoring two women that are a bright spot in my life and help keep me out of my own head which is definitely a necessity on a lot of days.  I've had some days where I would have considered myself being in a slump which I am told is pretty normal at this point in sobriety for some people.  As a whole though I enjoy everything about it

As for projects for me, I have a lot of them going on right now.  I kind of go in spurts...no projects for awhile and then all of the sudden I want to do 3 or 4 at a time.  Which is where I am now.  Currently I'm working on a gallery wall for our basement stairway.  If you came in right now you would think I had lost my mind and was decorating with sheets of paper.  No, not the case.  I did that so I know where to hang the frames once I get them all painted.  Yes, painted.  I had a ton of frames packed away that were brass or ugly colors so I'm painting them all black so I don't have to go spend a fortune on new frames. 

I'm also in the process of finishing our corn hole boards.  I started them years ago.  And I mean probably 4 or 5 years ago.  One thing about being in active addiction/alcoholism?  You start a lot of projects but never finish them.  Well this is one of them.  Tommy made the boards and I started to paint them.  But got about 1/4 of the way through and didn't touch them again.  They are going to be University of Kentucky themed for hubby so I'm drawing the Wildcat on them and painting him.  Super fun project for me and I can't wait to finish it FINALLY years after starting it!

I keep mentioning my best friend (probably because she is so fabulous, right E?) but I have to mention her again.  She has awakened something in me...my artistic side!  So I used to paint and I loved it.  I painted a few things for friends including murals on walls and canvases to match bathroom/bedroom decor.  This is kind of another hobby that went by the wayside with my drinking and it's coming back in full force.  Erin is a first grade teacher and she wants a funky painted chair for her classroom and she asked if I could do it.  Um yes, I would LOVE to!  I love painting furniture and I had forgotten how passionate I am about painting.  I would LOVE to be able to eventually sell some custom pieces but we'll see.  I really want to focus on upcycling pieces that I find at yard sales, consignment shops, etc. so I'm currently on the hunt for a chair for Erin's classroom.  I came across a child's rocker today for cheap and bought it so someone with a little kid in my life is going to be the recipient of that at some point soon.  :)  So I will see where this goes for me.  It's a fun thing for me to do and if it leads to something great and if not it will help me use my creative side and make some cool things for relatives and friends.

Whew!  Okay, I think that is all I have right now.  We are busy bees but I'm going to try to keep up with this more especially now that I'm getting some house projects and whatnot going.  I like to post those!  They are fun for me to look back on.  For now though, have a great rest of your week!!

Drinking and Driving

Hey all!  I haven't blogged in a long time - summer is so busy for us!  I've had something on my mind a lot lately though so I want to get it "on paper" so to speak. 

When I was a little girl, my dad was a bad alcoholic/addict.  I can recall many arguments between my mother and father regarding who would drive after dad had drank too much.  I think dad always thought he was fine and could do it.  I hated long car rides because I knew there would be arguing about this subject.  I didn't know what was going on at the time but now I know.  I am sure he drove us around like that countless times.  Thank God we didn't die or kill someone else.

In high school I joined SADD (Students Against Drunk Driving) because I vowed I would NEVER drive drunk.  Why would someone do such a thing???  My junior year of high school on New Year's Day we received a phone call that two of my guy friends had been killed in a car accident the night before.  They were seniors in high school halfway through their senior year with bright futures ahead of them.  They left behind parents who didn't know how to go on without them, friends who became lost without them, and they left behind a message to everyone - don't drive drunk.  It was found that they had been drinking when they wrecked.  It was devastating in high school to go through this.  If I thought I would never drive drunk before that, I sure as heck knew at that point I never would.  I had friends who died because of it!  And in high school, I never did.  In fact, I only drank a couple of times in high school and didn't drive any of those times.  I would have been way too scared to do so.

In college and in my early 20's I began really drinking a lot and going out a lot.  At some point I just decided that getting behind the wheel of the car after a long night of drinking was better than waiting on a cab or having to go pick up my car the next day.  I can't tell you how many times my friends and I left bars or parties after drinking entirely too much.  We could barely walk straight some nights, much less drive across town but that is exactly what we did.  I should have been arrested.  I should have died or killed someone on those nights.  But once again, thank God I didn't get what I deserved.  The more I did it, the more it became easy to do.  It became part of the routine in fact.  I used cabs a couple of times but not nearly enough.

Also in my early 20's I woke up one morning very early to a phone call from one of my closest friends at the time.  She was crying.  She was calling to me that our other very close friend's husband had been killed in a car accident that morning on the way to work.  He was on his way to work and was hit head on by a truck going the wrong way on a 4 lane highway.  This was the hardest thing I have ever been through with a friend.  Going to help plan a funeral, going to visit a friend the night of hearing this news, and watching her try to pick up the pieces afterwards was devastating.  And....the person who hit her husband was drunk.  And he was not injured at all.  He had left a local bar after drinking all night.  I went with her to court where he was sentenced but in our eyes he wasn't going to be behind bars for long enough.  I was very angry at this man at the time.  How could someone do this?  Yet, I did it all the time.  That could have been me.  My disease was eating my so much that I didn't see that I was doing the same thing and had just been lucky so far.

Two weeks ago, my 18 year old sister received a call that one of her 20 year old friends had been hit head on by a vehicle while driving home that night.  And....the driver of the vehicle that killed her was drunk.  They lived.  She did not.  20 years old with a lot of life left to live and she died because of someone else's selfish actions. 

Last week I was looking at the news and heard that there had been a wreck in our town where a teenage drunk driver had hit someone and though the injuries were not life threatening the other driver had been hurt.  I prayed for all involved and went on.  The next day as I looked online at the news I saw the mugshot of the driver who had been drunk.  I was floored.  It was a friend of mine who did outpatient treatment with me last year.  She just looked so incredibly sad in that picture.  She had been doing so well in her recovery and relapsed a few months ago.  That is where this disease took her - to getting behind the wheel of a car with a BAL 3 times the legal limit.  19 years old and such a beautiful young woman with so much to offer.  This disease has stolen so much from her, including now her freedom.  She is now sitting in jail.  Her mother is inconsolable.  This has rocked our recovery community, especially those of us who were close to her.  It shook me to the core.  I am glad she was caught - this means she is no longer harming herself or others.  However, I am saddened that she is still so sick and caught up in this awful addiction.  All we can do at this point is pray that this is the desperation that she needed to get back into a recovery program and pray for those affected by this accident.  She goes to court tomorrow morning to learn her fate.  So young.

I have a completely different view of all of this now that I am sober.  I have been on many sides of being affected by drunk driving - doing it myself, losing friends who were doing it, seeing friends do it and injure others, etc.  I used to be very angry at people who did this which was very hypocritical considering I was doing it myself.  However, now, I just pray that these people get the help that they need.  Anyone who is driving around like that likely has a problem and needs help.  They don't need people beating up on them and putting them down.  I'm certainly not justifying their actions - it is very selfish to get behind the wheel of a car like that.  This disease makes us selfish.  It's probably hard for some people to see this side of things but I now have a love and tolerance for people that I never had before.  I am thankful for that.  And I am thankful that I never got what I deserved. 

Please don't drink and drive.  Give up your keys.  Have someone pick you up.  Call a cab.  It's not worth losing your life, your freedom, or someone else's life over.  I made that mistake entirely too many times myself.  If you can't walk straight, chances are, you shouldn't be driving!!!

Before & After - Orange You Glad It Looks Better???

As most of you know, our house burnt down about a year and a half ago and we rebuilt a new beautiful home last June.  We are still kind of in the process of replacing things especially furniture.  I am not the kind of person who wants to just go buy a bunch of new furniture to fill my house.  I like to wait until the right piece comes along.  This means I still have some holes to fill, but hey, at least when they are filled they will be filled with something I love.

I have been looking for a chest for our basement for awhile and I decided to start looking at our local Craigslist in hopes to find some good deals.  And then about a month ago it was as if all of the furniture stars were aligned!  Hubby and I took a trip to Lexington, KY (Go CATS!) and I found this awesome little shop that sold Annie Sloan's Chalk Paint and that was the first I had seen of it (yes, slightly behind in this neck of the woods...).  I was in love!  When we got back home I discovered that I couldn't buy it around here so I decided to just wait and get some one day when a project came along.  Well, wouldn't you know, that week I found a nice big chest on Craigslist for $70 and I bought it!  I knew then that I HAD to use some of the Chalk Paint on it.  After much debate I decided to go with Barcelona Orange.  We are not afraid of color in this house and I have a great picture to hang above it with some orange in it so why not?  I ordered my Barcelona Orange Chalk Paint and some clear and dark Annie Sloan wax to go along with it.  The chest was in decent shape but had a lot of wear and tear to it.  But the fabulous thing that I had read about this paint was that there was NO prep work.  No need to sand, no need to prime, nothing.  SOLD. 

Here is the before-just your typical chest with old hardware

I removed the hardware, cleaned it up and got ready to slap the first layer of paint on.  After layer one dried (quickly I might add) I decided I wanted to add another coat.  This all just depends on what kind of look you are going for.  Here is how it looked after one coat:

After two coats of paint I started the sanding process.  This paint is awesome for sanding off spots to make it look distressed.  It comes right off!  This was kind of the fun, artsy part of the process.  Here is how it looked after the sanding.  Ready for the wax!

After a clear coat of wax and dark wax in the spots where I wanted it, I let it dry and added the new hardware that I purchased on Ebay for cheap.  Oh, also, I lined the drawers with pretty liner paper that I scored at TJ Maxx for cheap.  Love me some cheap items in case you couldn't tell.  HA

So finally, viola!  Finished product!  I really enjoyed this whole process.  This chalk paint was amazing to use and I highly recommend it if you are going for this distressed look on furniture.  The no prep work is to die for.  It was a quick and easy project and I love the difference that the paint made on this chest.  It looks perfect in our basement now!

BEFORE & AFTER!

Spring Flowers!

Just a little post for me to show off my flowers that have bloomed so beautifully this year.  It's been an awesome first Spring sober - as some people say, "It's like the blinders have been taken off."  I really appreciate all the bright colors, the floral smells, the nice breezes and the evenings that are staying lighter later and later.  I have learned that I like "playing with" my flowers as I call it.  HA  So here we go!

Aren't they pretty?  Now if only we would get some rain so I wouldn't have to water them every single night!!!! 

One Year Later....Hoppy Toads and Lightning Bugs

I am laying in bed after an awesome day.  I was able to go visit my best friend Erin and see her precious baby Lincoln.  I then picked up the stepkiddos and came home to grill out for my Mom and stepdad who came to visit.  This evening once it got dark, the kids and I played out in the yard until 9pm.  We had flashlights out looking for hoppy toads (and catching them!  Not me, not me....But Tabi and Will did!), catching lightning bugs, and making clover flower necklaces.  Barefeet, crickets chirping, and a beautiful late spring night...these are the things that I am grateful for tonight.  I am VERY grateful that this year I am in a place where I can have Friday nights like this and TRULY feel blessed and enjoy them.  I would not have wanted to be anywhere else doing anything else with anyone else tonight.  Life is good! 

As I mentioned a couple of posts back, on May 2, I celebrated one whole year of sobriety - yes, including nights, weekends, and holidays.  :)  I never thought I would see that day.  I never even thought that I WANTED to see that day. I thought drinking would always be a part of my life, I never thought I would want to quit because I had liked it so much.  Until I didn't.  Know the feeling?  Loved it until it wasn't fun anymore?  Loved it until it had made your life completely unmanageable?  Yeah, that was me a year ago.  Actually, a year ago from this very day I was in Nashville in rehab.  My life was absolutely unmanageable but I was hiding out in a cabin with a bunch of awesome ladies trying to get my head screwed back on straight so I could come home and start a new life.  Become a new person.  Clean up the wreckage.  Love life.

And you know what?  Now I do love life.  I have become a new person.  I did start a new life and I have been cleaning up the wreckage.  Sunday, May 2, 2012 I went to my home group with my mother and my husband and was given my one year chip (it really IS heavy metal!  HA!) by my sponsor who I love and respect beyond belief.  The fact that my mother and my husband were there with me was so awesome.  How blessed am I that they stood by me through everything and probably love and respect me even more today for all the work I have put in and will continue to put in to grow as a person and never be the person that I was a year ago?  (Major run on sentence, but whatever.  It's my blog people...HA)  How excited was I at the end of the meeting when my sponsor said, "All those who have a year or more of sobriety, raise your hand to show the program works," and I got to raise my hand!  It DOES work.  It works if you work it...that sounds trite in the beginning maybe but the rewards are so beyong anything you could ever imagine.  It's WORTH it.  You are worth it. 

I have also acquired my first sponsee.  I am so lucky to have her in my life.  I've known her since she started this journey and even when she had a bump along the way she instantly came back.  She is so excited and so ready to change her way of life. She reminds me of myself when I first started this journey and my sponsor even said the same thing.  God puts people in our lives for a reason and I truly believe that.  I have to remember that I can't get anyone drunk and I can't get anyone sober.  I am here to share experience, strength, and hope and I look forward to being with her as she learns more about the beautiful person she truly is. 

I could probably talk all night about how happy I am to have that big one year chip in my book cover now but I think it's time to turn the lights down and read another awesome book so I can tell you all about it.  :)  Hope everyone has a great weekend!!!

Let's Talk Books!

As you know I love to read.  When I was a little girl I would save up my allowance to buy books - The Babysitter Club books to be exact (weren't those awesome?!).  I still love books but now I use the library for most of my reads.  Though I have found a couple of websites that have awesome books giveaways.  I have won 4 books on Goodreads.com and I also found this awesome Chick-Lit blog that has giveaways and it's fun to read - Chick Lit is Not Dead.  I've won 3 books on there so far!  Woo hoo!  Here are my most recent wins from them:

 

I cannot wait to receive these books and start reading them!  I will definitely let you know how they are.  I have read some awesome books recently though so let me tell you about those so you can go pick them up!

First, let's talk Kristin Hannah.  I cannot believe that I had never read any of her books before.  Why I had I not heard of her???  Her writing is awesome.  She easily sucks the reader in to the stories and you really feel like you know the characters.  I am reading anything of hers I can get my hands on right now.  The most current one that I finished was called True Colors.  This was such a good read.  From Amazon: 

"True Colors is New York Times bestselling author Kristin Hannah’s most provocative, compelling, and heart-wrenching story yet. With the luminous writing and unforgettable characters that are her trademarks, she tells the story of three sisters whose once-solid world is broken apart by jealousy, betrayal, and the kind of passion that rarely comes along."

I also read all three of Mary Karr's books that began with The Liars Club and ended with Lit.  I have to say that I liked The Liars Club the most out of the three of these books.  Lit was a close second with Cherry being the least favorite.  Cherry wasn't bad but in some parts it just seemed to drag on a little too much for my liking.  Mary Karr is a great writer though - her memoirs are very descriptive of her sometimes insane childhood upbringing all the way through her getting sober in her adulthood with Lit.  I really recommend The Liars Club especially if you liked The Glass Castle.   The books are somewhat similar in their writing. 

I am currently reading another Kristin Hannah book "Night Road" and it is AMAZING so far.  I don't want to put it down.  It's a tear jerker but again, her writing is amazing.  If you haven't read any of her books I highly recommend you go pick one up.  You won't be disappointed!

Pretty fabulous summer fabric

I wish honestly sometimes I could just have someone transcribe my thoughts onto this blog because it's so hard for me to sit down sometimes and write - yet I like doing it.  So who knows....my mind works in crazy ways as we all know  :)  I do have a lot of stuff to put on here though - projects I've been working on, books I've read, baby sister's prom, and celebrating one year of sobriety just to name a few. 

Last night I had an insomniac night.  Up until 3:30 am.  Lovely huh?  I wasn't worrying about anything and nothing is going on - my brain just decided it wanted to be the Energizer bunny and there seemed to be nothing I could do to stop it.  Therefore, I am exhausted today.  Hopefully that means tonight I can get to sleep at a decent hour!

So since I'm so tired I'll start with an easy post to try to get me in posting mode.  As you know, I've started learning how to sew.  I really honestly enjoy it and I never thought I would say that.  I used to always say, "I have no desire to learn to sew.  I don't like it."  Well how did I know I didn't like it having never tried it?  It was fear.  It was me being an alcoholic and having fear - fear of not being able to do it perfectly, fear of not being able to learn how to do it, etc.  But today I know that it's okay if it's not perfect.  I am doing my best with it and enjoying learning so that is really all I can ask for. 

I really wanted some pillows for our front porch so off I went to JoAnn Fabrics with my coupons and picked out some really fun, bright, summer outdoor fabric.  I was a little nervous because I decided I was going to sew in a zipper on the pillows also to make covers so I could wash them.  Maybe getting a little ahead of myself thinking I could sew in a zipper but I thought, what the heck.  Why not?  I let it sit for a couple of days until I worked up the nerve to start the project.  But once I started, I had two beautiful pillow covers in just one afternoon's worth of time!  I absolutely love them and they are so pretty on the porch.  I did manage to sew the zippers in and though they are NOT perfect, they are functional and they look pretty okay.  :) 

 My "not so bad but not perfect" zipper  :)

 One of the pillows hanging out in the porch swing.  The other one is in the rocker.

So after making two pillows I had enough fabric leftover that I knew I wanted to do something with it but I wasn't quite sure what.  I have been obsessively looking at sewing ideas on Pinterest and had seen a lot of tutorials for tote bags and they looked pretty easy.  And can you ever have enough tote bags?  I think not.  I use them for everything.  And the outdoor fabric would be perfect for one since it's thicker than the average home decor fabric.  I realized I didn't have enough fabric for the body of the bag and the handles so I had some thick ribbon laying around that I used for the handles.  It turned out really cute!!  I love it.  So glad I let go of the fear and just did it  :)

As I said, I have a ton more to write but not a ton of time today.  I'm going to try to write every day this week even if just a little bit so I can get all of my thoughts out and get updated with our life on here!  Hope everyone is having a great week!

Celebrating ONE year!!!

I'll definitely write more when I have time but just wanted to say, happy anniversay to me!  Celebrating one year of sobriety today.  Life is good!

Saturday "Before & After"

So recently I have become obsessed with all of these awesome "before & after" pictures that I see all over Pinterest and the internet in general.  Have you seen some of these things?  People do AMAZING things with old crappy furniture.  One of my favorite blogs for inspiration is called Better After.  Go check it out - some of the stuff is unbelievable. 

Last weekend I bought an old dresser on Craigslist for our basement.  I plan to do a sweet little before & after with it.  I received my Annie Sloan Chalk Paint this week in Barcelona Orange and I can't wait to have time to do that project.  I'm hoping to get started this week!

This weekend though I did a quick project that has been on my list for awhile.  Sheridan's room is the most finished in the whole house.  I like the kids rooms to be nice so that when they are here on the weekends they are comfortable and it feels like they have their own space.  Her room is purple, turquoise and lime green.  She has been using one of our old nightstands which we bought forever ago and was definitely in need of some work.  Her headboard and chest of drawers are white and then there was this old crappy brown thing.  So this week I bought a new drawer knob and I went to work on it. 

Here is the before:

 I mean it's not HORRIBLE by any means but for a little girl's room, it needed to be...well, more girly!

So here it is once I was finished with it! 

First I sanded it down - which was my first use of a power tool on my own might I add.  I am woman hear me roar!!!  HA  Then a couple of coats of white paint, painted the drawer purple to match her room and put on a sparkly new drawer pull. 

Oh, and for a fun little surprise I lined the drawer with scrapbook paper (using Mod Podge) to match her room as well.  It turned out really cute!

So there you have it!  My first offical "before & after" project.  Pretty simple but it made such a difference in her room.  She loves it which makes me happy!  :) 

Happy weekend everyone!  Off to opening day of baseball!

Day 360

So today is day 360.  I know this because of  my handy dandy recovery app on my phone.  I can't believe that next Wednesday (God willing) will be my one year anniversary of sobriety.  I was talking with my sponsor today and she hit the nail on the head - in some ways it feels like forever ago and in some ways it feels like it was just yesterday.  I look back on the girl that I was last year at this time and I don't even know who that person is.  It's not the person I am today, that is for sure.  Life is just so good now.  That doesn't mean I don't have bad days.  That doesn't mean that some of my ugly little character defects don't like to show up sometimes.  I can still get to where I beat myself over little things sometimes (Like losing an important piece of mail and having to request another...), I can still get to where I want to wallow in a bad day, and I can still get to where I feel like what I'm doing isn't good enough if it's not perfect.  But today I can recognize these things and snap out of them quickly.  I have tools today to deal with these things other than drinking and partying.  That is a beautiful thing. 

Last night I was able to see a good friend decide to surrender and start living a new way of life.  I was so proud of her because just recently she wasn't sure if she was an alcoholic or not and she was now finally ready to admit it.  I also was able to see someone who I met last year at this time celebrate her two year anniversary of sobriety.  It never gets old seeing someone celebrate an anniversary or decide to change their life.  Having these strong women in my life helps me get through every day and so many of the women I have met over the past year have inspired me in ways that they probably have no idea about.  Who knew that there women just like me?  Wasn't I unique???  HA

Last year at this time I was 5 days from going to rehab....without even knowing it at the time.  I didnt know I was going until 24 hours before I went.  I think it was better that way.  I couldn't talk myself out of it or make excuses as to why I didn't need it.  Because I was really good at excuses and manipulation and denial at that point.  I like to think I'm a completely different person than I was then and I think the people around me would agree that I am.  Emotional and spiritual sobriety are wonderful things, that is for sure. 

I'm rambling now and I could sit here and go on all day about how thankful I am for the life I'm living but I'll spare you that torture :)  I still have a long way to go in this program and I hope to continue to learn for the rest of my life.  I will be giving my lead for the second time next Monday night at my home group.  I feel like it will be much less scary than doing it at a podium at the treatment center in front of that huge group!  Then a week from this Sunday I get to celebrate one year!  Woo hoo! 

Hope everyone is doing well an enjoying spring as much as I am this year!  :)

Projects in the Meadow

Happy Saturday everyone!  It is kind of a dreary, cold day here so I decided to post about some of the recent projects that I have been working on.  I kind of go through stages as I've mentioned before....and right now I am totally in DIY project mode.  I just love making things for our home and for other people.  It keeps me busy which is a definite plus and things are so much prettier and SO much cheaper when you make them yourself (most of the time anyway!).  I have a lot of projects that are in the works but here are a few I have finished recently!

First up, I saw these adorable pinwheel wreaths on Pinterest and just knew I HAD to have them for my front doors for spring/summer.  These are super easy to make and SO fun.  It was a pretty cheap project.  You just need a styrofoam wreath form, ribbon to cover that if you chose (I just used cheap sheer ribbon in purple), and scrapbook paper to make the pinwheels.  You thumb tack the pinwheels on once you make them an viola!  Here is a great tutorial on making them if you would like to add some color to your doors! 

My cousin recently asked if I would make birthday cakes for her little girls' birthday parties.  Of course!  I love to get to bake and decorate pretty things.  I usually stick to cookies but I'm starting to dabble into cakes so I thought, why not?  I made these pretty little princess cakes for them and they loved them! 

 Now my biggest thing going on recently is that I'm learning to sew - yes, ME.  Learning to sew.  I never thought I would see the day.  But I bought a sewing machine and thought, no time like the present.  I wanted some curtains for our breakfast room but couldn't find a darn thing that I loved that wasn't an obscene amount of money.  And I'm not all about paying an obscene amount of money for things.  My Granny and my mom both sew, crochet, you name it so I knew my mom could teach me.  We spent a day learning to use my machine (it's computerized....she wasn't used to that!) and then we set to work once my fabric came in!  I went for very basic, easy curtains for my first project.  I found that the most time consuming part was the measuring, cutting, ironing, etc.  The actual sewing part wasn't bad at all.  Here I am looking like I just rolled out of bed when mom knocked on my door fabulous working on my project! 

 Here are my pretty-ful (I like to make up words) curtains hanging in my breakfast area!  I used clips to hang them up on the rods as I like this look.  They turned out perfect!  I'm so ready to do another sewing project now!  These were much cheaper than what I would pay for something that I loved.  I would say I have about $120 in this whole room of curtains right now including the clips (thank you JoAnn Fabrics for your coupons!). 

I have a few more projects that I'll be working on in the next week or so.  I am going to sew some pillows with outdoor fabric for our front porch AND my big project - painting a dresser.  I just bought a dresser on Craigslist so I could paint and distress it for our basement.  I paid $75 for a huge dresser and mirror and I just ordered my Annie's Chalk Paint to use for this piece of furniture.  I absolutely cannot wait to get started!  I'll post pictures as I go.  I just found out about this Annie's paint (I'm a big behind I guess) and it looks AMAZING.  No prep work?  Sign me up.