Lexapro withdrawal symptoms make you feel amazing and wonderful! - said NO ONE EVER

Hey all!  I haven't written in so long because....well...hm.  Have you ever seen those funny signs that say, "I have so much to do...I think I'll just take a nap"?  That has been me lately.  We've had several things going on - some good, some not so good but we've been super busy.  I have so many things I want to write about both recovery related and just life stuff.  Hopefully this week I can get around to some of that.  But today, let's talk about the title of this post.

Lexapro withdrawal symptoms make you feel amazing and wonderful!" - said NO ONE EVER.

(This is NOT me, but this is TOTALLY how I felt today. I feel for this girl.  HA)

I need to write about this for a couple of reasons.  One, I just need to whine, okay?  I rarely do that anymore so I need to sometimes.  Today is that day.  HA!  Two, I know a lot of people go through this and it's been helpful to me reading what others have gone through.  So let's talk about this wonderful thing I'm going through right now.

A couple of years ago, I started seeing both a therapist and a psychiatrist as many people do when they later find out that addiction/alcoholism is their problem.  That of COURSE was not MY problem.  No sirree.  Not me.  I'm not THAT girl.  Riiiiight.  Anyway, so I was having a lot of anxiety and depression so my psychiatrist put me on Lexapro.  I was willing to try anything at that point (or so I told myself...stopping drinking might have helped, no?) so I started taking 10mg of Lexapro and went on my merry way.  Now, they tell you not to drink with a drug like this.  Yeah.  I really listened to that one.  Not so much.  I just kept on drinking like it was my job on top of taking the Lexapro so who really knows what it was or wasn't doing for me during that time. 

When I was very heavy in my drinking towards the end I quit taking my Lexapro.  I also quit taking my Synthroid, Allegra, everything else I should have been taking.  I just quit taking care of myself period.  So I stopped the Lexapro cold turkey but didn't notice any withdrawal symptoms.  Well, DUH.  I was drunk all of the time.  Of course I wouldn't have noticed the withdrawal symptoms.  I know that now.  At the time I was just like, okay, whatever, no more pills! 

When I went to rehab I got back on my 10mg of Lexapro and probably honestly needed it at the time.  That was the best thing I have ever done but it was also scary and I had tons of emotions and had to actually FEEL them and PROCESS them without a mind altering substance like alcohol.  Talk about frightening.  That was in May of 2011.  I've been taking 10mg since then and have been fine with it. 

Now, I know a lot of people when they get sober they decide to try going off their anti depressants.  I really wanted to do that because I don't want to be taking anything that isn't necessary.  My sponsor and psychiatrist and I agreed that once I had been sober for a year then we could revisit going off of the Lexapro.  2 weeks ago I decided that I wanted to try it.  I'm sitting at almost 16 months sober and most days I work a pretty good program and feel pretty happy.  I rarely am agitated, irritable, anxious, etc.  I do have those days of course but they are nothing like I used to experience.  So I thought, why  not?  Now seems like a good time.  So I talked to my psychiatrist and she set me up on a schedule to ween off of the medicine in a pretty soft manner.  I was to do 10-5-10-5 every other day for a week then do 5-0-5-0 until the next week when I would go off completely.  I weened off and felt fine.  I truly thought, huh.  All these people talking about Lexapro withdrawals on the Internet are being dramatic and that obviously isn't going to happen to me.  That is what I get for thinking that.  WRONG.

About 3 days after going completely off of the Lexapro I started getting what is commonly referred to as "brain zaps."  These are fairly common when going off of SSRI's according to everything I've read.  It wasn't horrible.  I definitely could tell something weird was going on but it wasn't to where I couldn't function.  My mood wasn't affected, no headaches, no nausea, none of the other stuff I had read about.  Again I became smug.  BAD IDEA. 

Today which is a week after stopping the Lexapro I feel awful.  I woke up fine but as the morning went on my body began to really hate me.  I was out running errands and I was driving.  I began to feel really nauseated and dizzy and almost like I was carsick.  I get really carsick anyway so I hate that feeling.  I stopped off and got a Sprite to drink thinking I could calm it down.  Didn't happen.  I was just trying to get home as fast as I could at that point.  I was praying that I didn't vomit in the car while I was driving.  I thankfully had a trusty McDonald's bag there just in case.  HA  I have never felt carsick while driving but that is exactly how it felt.  I was miserable.  I got home and just crashed on the couch.  I never threw up but felt like it for quite some time.  I found that if I just stayed very still then I was okay.  But when I would move at all the dizziness came flying back.  This must be what Vertigo feels like.  It is NOT fun. 

That is pretty much how I have spent my day.  It has really been off and on.  I'll be fine for a bit then the dizziness and nausea will come back.  Along with being super tired and having hot flashes.  Yeah, fun.  My psychiatrist said if I wanted I could go back to taking 5mg and try to taper again but honestly I just want to be done with the Lexapro once and for all and if I start taking any dose of it again, then I'll have to go through this all again and I certainly do not want that.  I've read people say that it can take a month for this to go away.  I have to say, I may not be able to take this for a week much less a month.  So we will see what I end up doing.

Thanks for letting me whine.  I mean I did this to myself, deciding to go off of the pills so I don't expect much sympathy but thanks for reading anyway.  I'll get back to happier topics later this week hopefully because I have a TON of good going on right now to focus on.  Don't think my gratitude is gone - it's just taking a backseat for a minute today!  I won't sit in the pity pot for long though as my sponsor would call it.  :)

Say Cheese!

We have lived in our new house now for a little over a year and I am sorry to say that I still have a lot of blank wall space.  It's not that I don't WANT things hung...it's that I haven't made the time to figure out what I want on each wall, to purchase things, to make things...whatever the case might be.  I am finally starting to get on this though because I think a house looks so much homier with pictures hung, don't you?? 

I am trying to be more thrifty about things and thanks to Pinterest I find all sorts of wonderful ideas to save money on house projects.  I knew I needed several frames for a couple of gallery walls but I also know frames can really add up.  What to do, what to do...ah!  I had a ton of old frames just laying around in drawers that were outdates - brass (just not my taste...) or just in need of some love.  I decided to sand them down and give them a fresh coat of paint to make them all black.  I had some black acrylic paint so after sanding the frames I used the black paint and viola!  Easy peasy and much cheaper than buying all new frames!

I also needed some mattes but didn't want to spend the money on those either.  So I decided to just whip those up myself with something that I saw on Pinterest.  I already had a couple that I had bought awhile back so I decided to use those for a template in making my own mattes.  I had seen on Pinterest where someone used cereal boxes and upcycled them into mattes.  I have a ton of boxes like that in my pantry that I would have just thrown away so I decided to put them to good use.

First I took the matte that I already had and traced it onto the inside of the box I was using.  I then used a utility knife to cut out the pattern from the box.  Using the cardboard box makes the matte look thicker than if you just used regular paper to create one.  This makes a difference!

Next step is to figure out how you want your matte to look.  You can use plain white paper or colorful scrapbook paper.  I opted for some scrapbook paper that I already had around the house.  Lay the matte that you cut out of cardboard on the back of your sheet of cardstock.  Trace onto the scrapbook paper so that it is the same size as your cardboard matte.  Now cut the shape out of the scrapbook paper.  I again used a utility knife here. 

Now that you have both pieces of your matte ready, it's time to glue them together.  I used rubber cement for this but I'm sure any type of glue would work.  Glue them together then make sure they fit in the frame.  I had to trim off a little on a couple of them but for the most part they were close to perfect.

Now you can place the matte in your frame and add a picture!  I'm sure my best friend won't mind me showing off her gorgeous child on here to show you my final products.  :)



Now that I had my frames and my mattes ready, it was time to hang them on the wall.  I have looked at a ton of ideas for hanging pictures in a stairway and finally decided I would just do it my own way. Everyone has different sizes of frames and different ideas so there is no right or wrong way to do this in my opinion.  I cut paper to the sizes of the frames I would be using and hung them on the wall so I could easily move it around until I decided how I wanted everything.  I wrote on the pieces of paper what size of picture would go in each so it would help me decide what to put in each frame.  I had to explain a couple of times, no, this is not some new kind of art I am trying out....

I am extremely pleased with the final product!  I will add a few more to the bottom most likely.  I love having family pictures on this wall!

We also recently finished up another photo gallery in our basement.  We are doing a music theme in that room as we both grew up around music, playing music, listening to music, etc.  I used old photos of our family members playing instruments and some newer ones of hubby playing the guitar.  I mixed in a couple of cool wire pieces that I found at Hobby Lobby.  One more project completed!

Busy in the Meadow!

I haven't blogged in a SUPER long time and my excuse is just that life has gotten in the way.  I have to be in the mood to blog for one thing and for another, actually sitting down at a computer for long enough to collect thoughts and actually type them out just hasn't been happening for me.  But tonight, TONIGHT I decided time to stop making excuses and get on this.  (That, and well, my best friend Erin says she doesn't even feel like she knows me until she reads my blog to catch up on my life. Considering we have been best friends for over 25 years I'd say she knows me better than almost anyone but I'll humor her here....)

Let's just go with an update of everyone living under my roof.  We are all running every which way so here we go starting with the baby:

Rocko:  Rocko is, well, being Rocko.  He is enjoying summer because he likes to sunbathe by the windows.  His allergy shots are now spread out to every 7 days which is good for all involved.  He does have Twitter though so if you want a good laugh, you can follow him @babydogrocko.  He turns 3 on August 28th!  I better get planning his birthday treat....

Will:  Will has spent the summer pretty much just hanging out.  He went to baseball camp at USI which is my alma mater and had a great time learning from the "big boys".  He and I have spent a lot of time playing "HORSE" at the pool this summer and I think we are about even on wins vs. losses.  He does make me get on my knees though so I'm the same height as him in the pool.  HA!  All I can really say about him is that 8 year old boys say the darndest things and he just makes me laugh all the time just by being himself.  Football should be starting soon for him.  Or maybe soccer.  Or maybe both!  Time will tell!

Sheridan:  Sheridan started 7th grade today!  I can't believe that.  She has become boy crazy this summer which is hysterical to me.  She is also currently obsessed with the band One Direction and has a shrine to them in her room.  Almost an entire wall is covered in One Direction posters that she has spent hours making.  Some people don't like their kids putting that crap on their walls but honestly?  She gets to use her creativity and she loves it so it's whatever as far as I'm concerned.  She made cheerleader for this year so this summer has been a lot of conditioning and a week of cheer camp.  She hates the conditioning so hopefully once they actually get to start cheering at games she will be happier about this decision.  :)

(Sheridan and I at Panama City Beach in July!)

Tabi:  Tabi has been trying to enjoy her summer before starting college.  We've all been getting used to having a "kid" in our house who is no longer in high school but is yet still living in our house.  A lot of discussions about rules, money, etc. but I think we have it all figured out now after a lot of tears, arguments, and eye rolls.  Teenage girls are tough, period.  HA  She is still working at Subway being a "sandwich artist" and will start college in a week and a half at Ivy Tech.  She is excited about school which makes me excited!  I can't wait to see what she is going to do with her life - she is talented enough to do anything she wants!  I will personally be happy for all the high school drama to be over.  Though really?  Is it EVER really over?  Hm.

(Tabi at her graduation party with our nephew Brayden!)

Tommy:  Tommy has just been trying to keep all of us in line :)  Tough job but someone has to do it.  We are starting our backyard overhaul this week so he has been keeping pretty busy figuring out plans for that project.  He is also almost to the point of having his wood shop put together enough to start building furniture again and I can't wait for that!!!  I have so many things I NEED him to build for me.  :)

(Tommy and I in Panama City Beach celebrating our 5 year wedding anniversary!)

Me:  I've been running around like a chicken with my head off this summer.  Running the kids all over the place, getting Tabi ready for college, visiting with family, helping my best friend move, etc. etc.  The list goes on but it is all great things and I'm blessed to have all of the people in my life that I do.  Recovery is going very well.  I had 15 months of sobriety on August 2nd and I'm still going strong.  I am now sponsoring two women that are a bright spot in my life and help keep me out of my own head which is definitely a necessity on a lot of days.  I've had some days where I would have considered myself being in a slump which I am told is pretty normal at this point in sobriety for some people.  As a whole though I enjoy everything about it

As for projects for me, I have a lot of them going on right now.  I kind of go in spurts...no projects for awhile and then all of the sudden I want to do 3 or 4 at a time.  Which is where I am now.  Currently I'm working on a gallery wall for our basement stairway.  If you came in right now you would think I had lost my mind and was decorating with sheets of paper.  No, not the case.  I did that so I know where to hang the frames once I get them all painted.  Yes, painted.  I had a ton of frames packed away that were brass or ugly colors so I'm painting them all black so I don't have to go spend a fortune on new frames. 

I'm also in the process of finishing our corn hole boards.  I started them years ago.  And I mean probably 4 or 5 years ago.  One thing about being in active addiction/alcoholism?  You start a lot of projects but never finish them.  Well this is one of them.  Tommy made the boards and I started to paint them.  But got about 1/4 of the way through and didn't touch them again.  They are going to be University of Kentucky themed for hubby so I'm drawing the Wildcat on them and painting him.  Super fun project for me and I can't wait to finish it FINALLY years after starting it!

I keep mentioning my best friend (probably because she is so fabulous, right E?) but I have to mention her again.  She has awakened something in me...my artistic side!  So I used to paint and I loved it.  I painted a few things for friends including murals on walls and canvases to match bathroom/bedroom decor.  This is kind of another hobby that went by the wayside with my drinking and it's coming back in full force.  Erin is a first grade teacher and she wants a funky painted chair for her classroom and she asked if I could do it.  Um yes, I would LOVE to!  I love painting furniture and I had forgotten how passionate I am about painting.  I would LOVE to be able to eventually sell some custom pieces but we'll see.  I really want to focus on upcycling pieces that I find at yard sales, consignment shops, etc. so I'm currently on the hunt for a chair for Erin's classroom.  I came across a child's rocker today for cheap and bought it so someone with a little kid in my life is going to be the recipient of that at some point soon.  :)  So I will see where this goes for me.  It's a fun thing for me to do and if it leads to something great and if not it will help me use my creative side and make some cool things for relatives and friends.

Whew!  Okay, I think that is all I have right now.  We are busy bees but I'm going to try to keep up with this more especially now that I'm getting some house projects and whatnot going.  I like to post those!  They are fun for me to look back on.  For now though, have a great rest of your week!!