On The Move....As Usual!

Hello old blogger friends!  I haven't blogged in QUITE some time it seems!  I have the itch to start doing so again so look out!  I love to write, it's just hard finding time to it with everything else going on in my life.  I am so blessed to have a full life today - too many hobbies, not enough hours in the day!  Not to mention that the name of this blog is no longer applicable really because we no longer live IN the Meadow!  I am still trying to figure out what to do with that....

I have a lot of ideas of things to blog about in the near future but I want to start with a post about where we are today as a family.  Literally - where we physically are.  If you know us, you know that we always have projects going on.  And you know that we've moved a lot over the past few years.  I get a lot of questions - Where are you living NOW? Why did you guys sell that house?? When will your new house be finished?  Wait, you went from THAT house to an apartment?!  Hopefully I can answer some of those questions here and kind of give you a brief overview of our journey over the past 10 years as it pertains to houses, condos, hotels, and apartments.  Yes, we've been in all of those (not to mention my one month in rehab living in Nashville!!!)

When we were first married, we lived in a smaller brick home on the east side of town.

We did a lot of work on that house - put down hardwood floor, ripped out carpets, painted, redid the master bathroom, etc.  We started to outgrow that house though as the kids got older - or at least we thought we did.  I think we always want bigger, better, and more right?  We had a lot in Henderson that we had planned to build on in the future BUT as plans often do, this one changed.  We were randomly looking at houses for sale just for fun and we found one in a GREAT neighborhood for an amazing price.  We drove out to look at it and although it was an older home, the lot was PERFECT.

We loved backing up to a woods, we loved the big trees, Tommy was golfing at the time and it was a golf course neighborhood.  We put in an offer and BOOM.  We suddenly had a house that was built in the 70's and hadn't had many updates since.  So we moved in and started making our plans for remodeling.  We had lived there almost a year and had only made a few updates like painting when....

.....the house caught fire from our wood burning fireplace and it was a total loss.  That was devastating and stressful and scary on so many levels.  I will never forget how the inside of the house smelled afterwards.  It was like a nightmare walking through trying to figure out what all had been lost.  Going through and having to inventory everything was so time consuming and never ending.  You don't realize what all people go through after a house fire until you have one happen to you.  The night of the fire, we had nowhere to go so we went to a hotel in town.  We stayed there for a week.  That was interesting to say the least.  Then we had to have somewhere to live temporarily while a new house was built, so we happen to find a condo for rent in our neighborhood.  That would be perfect so we could be close to the building site of the new house that was being built where the old house was.  So, while living in this condo....

.....the old house was being torn down and the lot was getting ready for us to rebuild on.

To keep a very long story short, while living in the condo at the end of 2010 - beginning of 2011, my alcoholism progressed and I became very sick and became a person that I no longer knew.  Alcohol and my lifestyle ruled my life and nothing else mattered.  Add to that the stress of building a new house and our life was very unmanageable.  By the grace of God, my husband offered to send me to rehab in Nashville, TN at Cumberland Heights.  So while my family was still in the condo and finishing up the new house, I was living here for 30 days....

Are you keeping up?  Keep in mind all of this has happened in a matter of 10 years.  Have I mentioned how much I hate moving?!  When I came home from rehab in June 2011, our new home was almost complete and it was absolutely gorgeous.  After it was in the Parade of Homes that year, we were able to move in.  We loved it and it was so beautiful and perfect for us.  So we thought.

While in this house a lot of things happened.  I learned how to live sober which was the highlight of my life so far.  :)  My sister graduated high school, started college, and moved out.  Our kids entered their teen and pre-teen years and started getting busier and busier and spending more time with friends and less time with us ;)  My crazy husband (I say that with love!) had bright ideas to do some pretty big projects.  Including a MASSIVE outdoor fireplace, a flagstone patio, a huge master closet and an underground garage.  Yes, you read that correctly.  Did I mention that we did all of these projects ourselves?  Which then lead into Tommy's back becoming so bad that finally surgery was inevitable.  He had spinal fusion surgery so we got to live in the basement of this house for a bit after that.  :)  I have a lot of great memories of this house.  Truly.  However, we started one day talking about the fact that someday we would want to downsize when the kids got older.  And we thought....what are we waiting for?  Why not do it now while we are still relatively young and can still enjoy life.  Let's downsize and spend less money on this place and more time living.  So, in the fall of 2014 we put this house on the market.  Selling this guy was not easy.  It was a huge house and a nice house and we had put a lot of money into it.  We were not going to get what we wanted for this house but after 6 months on the market, we accepted an offer.  Selling this house was a very stressful process on a lot of levels.  We didn't think it would EVER sell.  In the meantime we had found a lot in Newburgh that we really loved.

There is a whole lot more to that story as well but I will spare you.  Once our house sold, we purchased the Newburgh lot and things were great.  But wait?  Where will we live until our new home is built? Enter apartment living:

This portion of it all has been very interesting because we went from our 5700 square foot house to a 1000 square foot apartment.  The majority of our things are in storage sheds.  We have three of those rented along with some stuff hanging out at various family members homes.  We have only what we need at this apartment but it's teaching us that we don't need HALF of the junk that we own.  And as a lover of purging things, I am looking forward to getting rid of a bunch of stuff.

So that is the cliff notes version of our living situations over the past 10 years.  We've moved a lot.  We've lived in a lot of different places.  We've changed our minds a lot.  We've learned a lot.  We've learned what we do want and what we don't want.  We've learned what is important and what is not.

We are hoping to start building our new home in the next month or so.  We are currently in the process of finalizing floor plans, having our builder get bids, etc.  To say that I am impatient is an understatement.  I'm very ready to just be SOMEWHERE and have all of our stuff in ONE place.  I am not sure what this new journey of building again is going to bring us but I will keep you all updated.  No, I don't think our lives are so exciting that you all want to hear every detail but I do know that people think we are nuts and like to hear about our projects so....here you go.  HA!

I look forward to doing more writing now on this blog.  As I said, I have a lot of ideas.  This is going to be a blog about my life, my thoughts, my world.  And my thoughts can be pretty weird sometimes so just stick with me.  ;)

It's Been Awhile....

It's been a really long time since I have blogged.  I seem to go in spurts like that with everything that I do.  I'll blog a lot....then I won't blog at all.  I'll sew a lot....then I won't sew at all.  I'll do a ton of puzzles...then none for a year.  I was talking to my sponsor about this and she just kind of laughed.  We alcoholics tend to have this "all or nothing" mentality and I think that I must carry that over into all parts of my life including hobbies.  I definitely keep busy with hobbies but it's like I have hobby ADD or something.  HA 

For a quick catch up, life is good here.  Today I celebrate 19 months of sobriety and for that I am truly grateful.  Sheridan is busy with cheerleading, Will is busy just being Will, and Tabi is about to finish her first semester of college and is doing really well.  I couldn't be more proud of them all!  Rocko is enjoying laying around being Rocko.  I think he makes the Christmas tree look even better don't you? 

My recovery journey continues day by day and I have to admit, it's not always super easy.  If it was easy, everyone would do it right?  I don't want to drink.  But the emotional sobriety isn't always the easiest thing in the world to keep on track. It isn't always easy to not get involved in other people's problems, especially if it's family you are dealing with.  Even while working what I consider to be a pretty good program I still have days where I just want to crawl in bed and pull the covers over my head and not talk to anyone at all.  I have days where everything around me is frustrating and makes me irritible.  These days are very few and far between thank goodness.  I'm having one of those days today and it's for no reason at all.  Maybe it's the gray and gloomy wet weather?  I'm not sure.  I'm thankful today though that I don't have to drink over a bad day and that I have tools to use to not kill anyone around me.  :) 

In my last post I talked about going off of my Lexapro.  That didn't last very long.  I wanted to try to go off of it but it just didn't work for me and that's okay.  When I was off of it I was turning into a person that I didn't like.  I got to the point where I felt like I was crawling out of my own skin and was irritated by everything around me.  I was turning back into the "old April" very slowly but I could feel it creeping in.  I was just not being a nice person and that isn't me anymore.  I decided to talk to my psychiatrist about going back on the Lexapro and when I told her how I was feeling she was like, "Why would you NOT go back on it???"  Good point.  So I went back on it and was fine again within a week or two.  Some people think it's not a good thing to take those kinds of meds, but if you need them, you need them.  Some people even in recovery still need extra help and I'm okay with that. 

We are gearing up for the holidays around here.  The kids and I decorated our trees last weekend and as always it was a great time.  We put up our big family tree and it is filled with ornaments that all have meaning to me.  Each year everyone gets a new ornament to hang on the tree and that is a great tradition that the kids look forward to.  In the dining room Sheridan and I put up our candy theme tree.  I always wanted one of those and now I have one.  It's beautiful!  In the breakfast room we have our University of Kentucky blue and white tree with UK ornaments on it.  Go Cats!  The kids all have small trees in their bedrooms and we have another one in the basement.  To say I go a little crazy at Christmas is possibly an understatement.  :)  Next week I will start my Christmas baking and I enjoy that SO much.  I give so many baked goods as gifts at this time of the year and I truly love doing that. 

I hope everyone has a great holiday season!  Now it's time for me to go catch up on all of the blogs that I used to read!  :)

Busy in the Meadow!

I haven't blogged in a SUPER long time and my excuse is just that life has gotten in the way.  I have to be in the mood to blog for one thing and for another, actually sitting down at a computer for long enough to collect thoughts and actually type them out just hasn't been happening for me.  But tonight, TONIGHT I decided time to stop making excuses and get on this.  (That, and well, my best friend Erin says she doesn't even feel like she knows me until she reads my blog to catch up on my life. Considering we have been best friends for over 25 years I'd say she knows me better than almost anyone but I'll humor her here....)

Let's just go with an update of everyone living under my roof.  We are all running every which way so here we go starting with the baby:

Rocko:  Rocko is, well, being Rocko.  He is enjoying summer because he likes to sunbathe by the windows.  His allergy shots are now spread out to every 7 days which is good for all involved.  He does have Twitter though so if you want a good laugh, you can follow him @babydogrocko.  He turns 3 on August 28th!  I better get planning his birthday treat....

Will:  Will has spent the summer pretty much just hanging out.  He went to baseball camp at USI which is my alma mater and had a great time learning from the "big boys".  He and I have spent a lot of time playing "HORSE" at the pool this summer and I think we are about even on wins vs. losses.  He does make me get on my knees though so I'm the same height as him in the pool.  HA!  All I can really say about him is that 8 year old boys say the darndest things and he just makes me laugh all the time just by being himself.  Football should be starting soon for him.  Or maybe soccer.  Or maybe both!  Time will tell!

Sheridan:  Sheridan started 7th grade today!  I can't believe that.  She has become boy crazy this summer which is hysterical to me.  She is also currently obsessed with the band One Direction and has a shrine to them in her room.  Almost an entire wall is covered in One Direction posters that she has spent hours making.  Some people don't like their kids putting that crap on their walls but honestly?  She gets to use her creativity and she loves it so it's whatever as far as I'm concerned.  She made cheerleader for this year so this summer has been a lot of conditioning and a week of cheer camp.  She hates the conditioning so hopefully once they actually get to start cheering at games she will be happier about this decision.  :)

(Sheridan and I at Panama City Beach in July!)

Tabi:  Tabi has been trying to enjoy her summer before starting college.  We've all been getting used to having a "kid" in our house who is no longer in high school but is yet still living in our house.  A lot of discussions about rules, money, etc. but I think we have it all figured out now after a lot of tears, arguments, and eye rolls.  Teenage girls are tough, period.  HA  She is still working at Subway being a "sandwich artist" and will start college in a week and a half at Ivy Tech.  She is excited about school which makes me excited!  I can't wait to see what she is going to do with her life - she is talented enough to do anything she wants!  I will personally be happy for all the high school drama to be over.  Though really?  Is it EVER really over?  Hm.

(Tabi at her graduation party with our nephew Brayden!)

Tommy:  Tommy has just been trying to keep all of us in line :)  Tough job but someone has to do it.  We are starting our backyard overhaul this week so he has been keeping pretty busy figuring out plans for that project.  He is also almost to the point of having his wood shop put together enough to start building furniture again and I can't wait for that!!!  I have so many things I NEED him to build for me.  :)

(Tommy and I in Panama City Beach celebrating our 5 year wedding anniversary!)

Me:  I've been running around like a chicken with my head off this summer.  Running the kids all over the place, getting Tabi ready for college, visiting with family, helping my best friend move, etc. etc.  The list goes on but it is all great things and I'm blessed to have all of the people in my life that I do.  Recovery is going very well.  I had 15 months of sobriety on August 2nd and I'm still going strong.  I am now sponsoring two women that are a bright spot in my life and help keep me out of my own head which is definitely a necessity on a lot of days.  I've had some days where I would have considered myself being in a slump which I am told is pretty normal at this point in sobriety for some people.  As a whole though I enjoy everything about it

As for projects for me, I have a lot of them going on right now.  I kind of go in spurts...no projects for awhile and then all of the sudden I want to do 3 or 4 at a time.  Which is where I am now.  Currently I'm working on a gallery wall for our basement stairway.  If you came in right now you would think I had lost my mind and was decorating with sheets of paper.  No, not the case.  I did that so I know where to hang the frames once I get them all painted.  Yes, painted.  I had a ton of frames packed away that were brass or ugly colors so I'm painting them all black so I don't have to go spend a fortune on new frames. 

I'm also in the process of finishing our corn hole boards.  I started them years ago.  And I mean probably 4 or 5 years ago.  One thing about being in active addiction/alcoholism?  You start a lot of projects but never finish them.  Well this is one of them.  Tommy made the boards and I started to paint them.  But got about 1/4 of the way through and didn't touch them again.  They are going to be University of Kentucky themed for hubby so I'm drawing the Wildcat on them and painting him.  Super fun project for me and I can't wait to finish it FINALLY years after starting it!

I keep mentioning my best friend (probably because she is so fabulous, right E?) but I have to mention her again.  She has awakened something in me...my artistic side!  So I used to paint and I loved it.  I painted a few things for friends including murals on walls and canvases to match bathroom/bedroom decor.  This is kind of another hobby that went by the wayside with my drinking and it's coming back in full force.  Erin is a first grade teacher and she wants a funky painted chair for her classroom and she asked if I could do it.  Um yes, I would LOVE to!  I love painting furniture and I had forgotten how passionate I am about painting.  I would LOVE to be able to eventually sell some custom pieces but we'll see.  I really want to focus on upcycling pieces that I find at yard sales, consignment shops, etc. so I'm currently on the hunt for a chair for Erin's classroom.  I came across a child's rocker today for cheap and bought it so someone with a little kid in my life is going to be the recipient of that at some point soon.  :)  So I will see where this goes for me.  It's a fun thing for me to do and if it leads to something great and if not it will help me use my creative side and make some cool things for relatives and friends.

Whew!  Okay, I think that is all I have right now.  We are busy bees but I'm going to try to keep up with this more especially now that I'm getting some house projects and whatnot going.  I like to post those!  They are fun for me to look back on.  For now though, have a great rest of your week!!

Easter & The Azalea Path

Hey all! I haven't written in so long because well, we have been so darn busy! Which means of course, I have SO much to write about but so little time. So I'm going to try to split all of this up into several different posts. I think I'll start with Easter!

This was the best Easter I've had in a really long time - it was my first sober one! It was so nice actually enjoying every single detail of it all. I enjoyed making the Easter baskets (I think I made 7 this year by the time I did our kids and nieces and nephews!), watching the kids hunt eggs, eating the yummy food, and spending time with my family. Here are a few pics from our holiday!

The weather was perfect Friday night for a bonfire! So we grabbed our giant marshmallows and out to the backyard we all went!

Will & Sheridan hunting eggs at Aunt Tanya's house - we had the perfect weather!





My nephew Wade and Sheridan looking in the bushes for those well hidden eggs!We always have to dye eggs - I think I'll make them do this with me even when they get older - my mom still loves to do it!

That next week my mom, my Granny, and my great Aunt Jane all went to the Azalea Path in Union, Indiana. I had no idea this place even existed but it is gorgeous! It was a little chilly that morning but it was so beautiful. I would LOVE to have that in my yard...if only someone else would take care of it all for me! We also went to Smith's Greenhouse which was like heaven on earth if you like flowers. We ended up filling the back of my car by the time we left! I couldn't pass up those beautiful flowers!


I have so many more things to blog about so stay tuned! Lots of projects I've been working on, books I've read, recipes I've tried, and things going on around the Meadow!

Recovery Comes First...This is a Must

I haven't written a ton about recovery lately because I guess I want this blog to really be about me and my life. Recovery is a HUGE part of my life because without that, I wouldn't have any of these other things that I get to enjoy - my family, my hobbies, etc. This is a good time for me to remember that recovery HAS to come first. Period. As I wrote to a fellow blogger recently, when I was first told this in rehab I was all, "That is BS. My FAMILY comes first." Let's dissect that for a second. First of all, when I said that, my family had not been coming first to me for a long time. It's sad, but it's true. My first priority had been me for a long time so to say that was a cop out. Second of all, let's think this - what is my relationship like with my family without recovery? It's insane and ugly that is what. To someone who is not in recovery, saying that something comes above your kids, your family, etc. might seem like you are some bad person. Trust me, for us, it's necessary. In saying that, this is a hard thing to remember sometimes.

I think I have a tendency to blog on here about good things - because frankly, I don't want to sit here and whine about bad days and in general, I am truly a happy and gratefuly person. It amazes me sometimes how truly happy I am the majority of the time. I never thought it to be possible, but here I sit, truly happy and grateful today. But something that my sponsor reminded me of this week is that I am still new. Granted, God willing, I will pick up my 11 month chip next week and though that might seem like an eternity to some people, in the grand scheme of things, that makes me still very new to all of this. This means I am still fragile. It's easy to get caught up in things and think that you aren't as fragile as you once were. And I am not. I know I am not as fragile as I was 10 months ago or even 6 months ago. But, I am still fragile. Some examples:

Last week I had a drinking dream. I hadn't had one in a long time. Those dreams scare the holy bejeesus out of me. If you are an alcoholic/addict then you totally understand this - using dreams are the most intense REAL dreams that you will ever have. You wake up and you honestly have to come to grips with reality and think, okay, did that really just happen or am I still okay? I had one the other night and in the dream I was at a party in Chicago and just like that, I took a drink. And even in my dream my thought to myself was, "Oh no! What did I just do??? Now I have to go home and pick up a white chip and everything I have done is a waste and I have to throw all my chips away!" Then I woke up. And I was scared. I think scared in a good way though. It truly can happen that fast is what I take from those dreams.

In the beginning of sobriety I had some bad days. Now, I have not so many bad days and they certainly aren't near as bad as they were in the beginning. I truly hadn't had a bad day in a long time and then last week, BAM! I woke up and I just felt....Off. That is the only way I can describe it. I immediately in my alcoholic mind go to, "Great, what am I doing wrong?" Because you know, I need perfection. I sometimes forget that I AM human and EVERY human has "off' days alcoholic or not. But as I took a quick inventory, I realized I had been doing everything right in my recovery program. I had been to a meeting two days in a row prior to that, I had been to my Aftercare program the night before and heard a great speaker, I was doing my prayers, I was reading....everything I am told to do, I was doing. But that whole day I was so irritible. I couldn't fix it. I prayed a million times and I couldn't get over this icky feeling that I had. I thought to myself, THIS is the exact kind of afternoon a year ago I would have slid into the liquor store, bought two bottles of wine (one bottle is for amateurs...) and went home and drowned myself in them for no good reason other than I just felt "off". Instead I plugged through. I continued to do what I was told and I just suffered through that day and honestly looked very forward to bedtime that night so I could start over the next day. A sigh of relief occurred in me when that 24 hours was over. Days like that are few and far between now but they do still happen.

We are getting into our busy season with kids sports. Will is playing on a traveling soccer team this year which has a pretty intense schedule for an 8 year old in my opinion. He is also starting baseball this Sunday and he does Tae Kwon Do. Sheridan is involved in a lot of school events also. Tabi is busy with senior prom stuff, upcoming graduation, and getting ready for college. There is just a LOT going on in our house right now. Monday night I missed my regular meeting to go to Will's first soccer game. I had actually thought I would have time to do both but to make a long story short, I did not so I ended up missing the meeting. After looking at the soccer schedule for the next couple of months I had to say out loud to my husband and to tell myself and remind myself, "I can't do this. I can't be everywhere at once. I HAVE to make myself put my recovery first even if it means missing out on some things." I want to be everywhere. I want to be able to be there for everyone but this is a slippery slope for someone in recovery. I can't spread myself too thin. So now I am working on a balance with all of this and I have faith in myself that I can figure out how to be a good stepmom/sister/wife and still be able to give what I need to my recovery. That doesn't mean that I won't have bumps along the way and days where I want to scream. I know that for a fact. I'm thankful that I had the realization early on in this busy season though that I needed my program to come first...I am going to need it in these busy weeks that are to come.

I'm rambling now but I guess I just wanted to get some things off my chest. I come off sometimes as super happy all the time and like I said, for the most part I truly am. But I'm human. Some days are "off". No one does this perfectly. It's progress not perfection. All we can do is our daily reprieve and take things one day at a time.

Enjoy your weekend and stay sober! :)

It's all good....well almost all.

Hey hey all! I haven't posted in a few days but I wanted to write about a few things that have gone on this weekend. First of all, on Thursday I gave my first lead! So crazy! I never thought at 10 months sober I would be doing that but when I know that when I was asked it was for a reason so I said yes. I was asked by a friend who I met in outpatient treatment and I was asked to speak at the treatment center that we both attended. It's a big meeting and you have to stand up in front with a podium - yikes! I was like, okay so do I plan this out or what? My sponsor said, nope, you sure don't. You have a beginning (which is just your name, your sobriety date, and your home group) and an end (thank you...so novel I know...HA) and she said to leave the middle to God. Pray that he gives you the words to speak and that is it. She said the best leads are the ones that aren't planned out because the best ones just come from the heart. That seemed so unnatural to me. I'm a planner by nature so as the day wore on Thursday I started getting nervous. I was like, okay, I'm nervous that I have NO plan. I had NO clue what I was going to say and that kind of scared me. I must have prayed a million times that day. I had a bunch of the ladies from my home group come to support me which just made my night. It's so wonderful to have people who truly care about me. It made me feel so grateful. Of course right before I was to speak I was like, oh no. I have to pee. Because that is just me. Nerves I guess. Then I got all worried about having to pee the entire time I was speaking. HA But before I knew it I was up there speaking and the words just flowed. It was over before I knew it! I did it!!! I made people laugh, I made someone cry, and a lot of people told me that it was great and that they could really relate and that they heard a lot of their story in mine. Wow. It was a whole different kind of rush and high. What an amazing thing to share experience, strength and hope with others.

Friday little sis Tabi and I went prom dress shopping for her senior prom - holy crap! Senior! Eep! On our way we noticed a ginormous strawberry on the side of the road so we knew that we just must stop to have our picture by it. My mom and I always say we are going to take a road trip to find random things like this. I mean it's not every day you get to take a picture like this right? I think not. And oh yeah, we found THE dress! :) I can't post pics yet because it's top secret. But trust me, she looks gorgeous in it!

Friday evening we went to USI (which is where I received my college degree not SO many years ago....okay maybe a FEW years ago...) for Sheridan's science fair awards. Her project was chosen to be entered in the Tri-State Science and Engineering Fair and we were told that she had won some awards so we needed to be there. How exciting! I would like to tell you in detail about her project but honestly science is lost on me. I mean it is interesting I suppose to a degree but I took the bare minimum I needed to in that area. Not my thing at all. But her project involved genetics and fruitflies. She is a little smarty pants and we are so proud of her! She ended up winning 1st place in her category in her division and won an honorable mention for the grand prize! Being that my husband is an engineer this is no surprise that she is good at this stuff :) Doesn't that look like a proud 6th grader to you?

So that is all good right? Well here is the "almost all" part of this post. Yesterday I went to my Big Book study group then went to the store. Having a lovely afternoon really. I came home, got out of the car with some groceries, walked up the steps, opened my front door and when I stepped into my house, BAM! My back had some sort of weird sharp pain and down I went. I managed to make it over to my kitchen island to put the groceries down but then I just kind of hung out in the floor until my husband came in. I was laughing so hard because if I didn't laugh I would have cried. I could not get up! He piggy backed me to the couch and told me to just fall over on the pillows. HAHA It was quite comical really because when I tried to walk I couldn't stand up so I just kind of danced along bobbing up and down. Sigh. I hurt SO bad last night. I couldn't stand up, could barely walk, couldn't straighten out my legs....ugh. My first thought, "There goes p90x. Dammit!" I think an injury like this is more frustrating than anything because I have to depend on someone else to do everything for me. I am not a sit down and watch people kind of person. This morning I went to the chiropractor (of course, my chiropractor is out on vacation..."climbing a mountain with his wife"...um. So I saw someone else in his office) and he worked on me. Pushed, prodded, cracked, massaged...I honestly feel a little better. I can straighten my legs now and walk...a little. I have to go back Wednesday and Friday. I will be sitting on a lot of ice and resting today and tomorrow. It's frustrating but I have to listen to my body even when I don't want to I guess. Let me just say, my little sister has been a star taking care of me today. I need to give props where they are due!

Ooooh....I've read a lot of good books recently too. I've been slacking on book posts...I might do one later. Hope everyone is having a great Monday (even with the time change!)

My keyboard has dust on it!

Wow! I can't believe how long it has been since I "wrote" on this blog. My mom in fact was all, "Is everything okay? You haven't blogged in awhile...." I guess I should mention that last year when I was going off the deep end I had another blog and stopped blogging cold turkey. That was a "sign" to my mother that things were a little off with me. HA I suppose a mother will always worry huh? But don't worry, everything is better than fine, I have just been doing other things. I think I kind of have ADHD with things I'm interested in. I'll be all gung ho about reading...then a month later I'll be gung ho about doing puzzles....then a month later I'll be gung ho about blogging....I think consistency is perhaps something I need to work on. Hmmm....

So things are going well in our house. Basketball is now over for Will and his team went undefeated this year up until the semi-finals of the tournament. We were so proud of him!

Sheridan is still my little bookworm and at 12 years old (I can't believe I'm typing that) she is growing up on us. This weekend I said all I could hear coming from her room was the sounds of loud music (albeit Taylor Swift...HA) and her talking on the phone to her friends rehashing the slumber party from the night before. Where does time go?? And my sister Tabi is almost all finished applying to colleges and getting ready for her final prom and graduation - crazy! We also recently celebrated her 18th birthday. She is an adult now! Which means if she does something stupid now she can go to jail and I can let her sit there....HAHA Just kidding Tab...well, kind of. ;)

Another exciting thing that happened is that my best friend of 25 years had a baby last weekend! They had their struggled with the journey so I couldn't be happier for two people than I am for her and her hubby. So I became an "aunt" again last weekend to little Lincoln Allen and I can't wait to go visit them on Wednesday!

Things are going really well in my sobriety journey. I could probably type for hours about this but I'll save some of it for other posts. I feel like I am getting more involved in my recovery community which is a wonderful thing on a lot of levels. I'm starting to reach out more to others, I'm leading meetings, I'm giving rides to people when needed, and get this - I have been asked to give my lead next month! AH! (For those not in recovery, giving a "lead" basically means telling your story during a meeting. It's about 45 minutes talking about your journey). I'll be giving mine at the treatment center where I did outpatient treatment and I'm looking forward to it. It's a pretty big meeting but I know I'll have some people there who I am friends with so that will be helpful. I'm trying to not worry about it too much but holy cow. I feel honored to be asked to do that and I hope something I say will help someone who is listening as I know it did me and still does.

I'll leave it all at that right now but I have some things coming up this week. I have some good recipes I want to post as well as my new recipe organizing system which I'm pretty proud of. :) Also, you will notice on my sidebar my books on "goodreads." If you like to read, I suggest you check out www.goodreads.com. It's pretty fabulous - you can go through books and mark them as read, to read, rate books, look at others books, etc. It's a great way to keep track if you are a bookworm like me. :)

Bye for now!

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year! From the most awesome English Bulldog ever....my "little" Rocko!

I hope everyone had a great and safe Christmas and New Year's Eve/New Year's Day. Our holiday week was extremely busy but also a lot of fun and filled with friends and family. I really couldn't have asked for anything more. One of the highlights of the week was meeting my little niece Cadence for the very first time! She was born in April but since she lives in Florida we haven't gotten to see her yet. I absolutely fell in love with this little doll baby. I can't believe she lives so far away! I see some Florida trips in the near future!

This being my first holiday season sober, I didn't know what to expect. I am extremely fortunate that even with all of the family gatherings that I attended, I never once had to be around alcohol. I know this isn't the case for everyone so I am thankful for that. The living "one day at a time" certainly contributed to my stress level being much lower this year than in year's past. I knew I had a ton of stuff going on but I just didn't let myself get overwhelmed and worried about it like I have before. That doesn't mean I wasn't rushing around cleaning and cooking like a mad woman...that will probably never change. But it was a different feeling altogether and it was great!

I was so busy for a few days that I let myself get a little complacent about getting to meetings as often as I normally do. I went I believe 5 days without which is very unusual for me. I realize that I am not at a point where I can do that. I start getting way too irritible and discontent. I attempted to go to one on Monday night but as I was in the drive thru at Starbucks right before, I received a phone call that my family was on the way to the ER because Rocko and Will were playing rough like they usually do and this time Rocko's claw ended up on Will's lip. It ended up not even needing stitiches thank goodness but it was still a pretty good scare. Needless to say I didn't end up making my meeting that night. The next day I said come hell or high water I was getting to a meeting or I was going to commit homocide. HA! Lucky for everyone in my house I made it to one. And what a relief. Such a feeling of peace and contentment came over me. Amazing.

For New Year's Eve we didn't have any big plans. In fact we planned on just staying home. We usually travel on New Year's but we didn't this year. Certainly we weren't going to attend any big parties going on. I thought that I was okay with staying home. But as the afternoon progressed I started feeling kind of sorry for myself. Like, woe is me. I have to sit at home while everyone else goes out and does fun things. This is going to be just like any other night at home, nothing special. And don't get me wrong, I love nights at home. But I started to get in the self pity mode which is not a good place to be in. I knew there was a big New Year's event going on in the recovery community but I hadn't planned on going. Why not, I don't know. I started tossing the idea around of going. I started thinking it would be good for me to go and be around other people in recovery. So I discussed it with Tommy and we decided we would go out to eat and then to the recovery event. I picked myself up out of the funk, put on a sequined hot pink shirt and glittery eye shadow, and off we went. I was in a better mood even before we left the house because I started telling myself how silly I was being. Who says that just because I'm sober I have to sit at home in sweats on New Year's Eve. NO ONE that's who. Thank goodness my husband was willing to just get up and go out with me since that wasn't our original plan.

Most restaurants were extremely busy as to be expected but there was this new Japanese restaurant that wasn't too busy. We decided to try it out and when we walked in so did two of my longtime friends with their kids! We were doing hibachi so we ended up all sitting together and it was really a great time. I got to spend time with my husband, catch up with some old friends, and eat great food. After dinner Tommy and I killed some time shopping then we went to the recovery event downtown. I was SO glad that I decided to go. I was blessed with hearing a great speaker tell his story and spend some time with some friends I have made over the past year in this awesome sober community that we have. I told my sponsor I had been in a funk that afternoon and she said something that was very true: "Just remember, it's just another day." Very true. Yes, it was New Year's Eve but it was also just another day. Another day to celebrate sobriety, all the blessings in my life, and to spend an evening with good friends who genuinely care about me. Hubby and I came home after the event and relaxed and watched the NYE shows. We made it until midnight...barely!

So here's to 2011 being over and starting a brand new chapter in 2012. 2011 has been the best and worst year of my life. I like to think that the year didn't truly start until around mid May of 2011 because that is when I truly began becoming sober and that is when my life truly began in my eyes. I am so thankful for everything that I have today and hope to continue the sober trend into 2012 and beyond!

One week until Christmas!

One week until Christmas! I give you our silly family picture from this holiday season...HA! The REAL us!

Brayden Edward Cashin - Welcome to the world!

This morning the phone woke us up around 5:45am and it was my sister (technically half sister to me she is just my sister) saying she was in labor and at the hospital! EEEE!!! I could not go back to sleep so baby sis who lives with me and I went to the hospital this morning around 9am. Poor Bethany was so tired from being up all night. I can't even imagine. Childbirth...no thank you. I'll just let everyone around me do it so I can still get to be around babies sometimes. :) Around noon she was only 4 centimeters so we thought we had awhile but within about an hour we had a baby!!! My precious little nephew Brayden Edward Cashin was 7 perfect pounds and 7 perfect ounces. Hearing him let out a big cry when we were outside of the birthing room was one of the best sounds ever. New babies are so darn cute. The little noses just crack me up. So tiny! Then I thought, hm. My bulldog weighs 7 times what this baby weighs....wow. I think of the weirdest things. Anyway, thank God that everything went well and I look so forward to watching my new little nephew grow!

Welcome to the world Brayden and congrats to Bethany and Justin!!!