Things Only an Alcoholic Notices....

It's funny how once we become sober we start realizing a lot of things that we never noticed before. For instance, for those who are sober alcoholics...did you ever notice all of the many commercials and billboards for alcohol before? I certainly didn't but I do now. It doesn't make me want it, but I notice them. I think we notice everything alcohol related now so much more than we once did and so much more than those "normal" people do.

Last night my hubby and I had a date night. We went to a new Japanese restaurant in town which is pretty yummy. Hubby has been to Japan 40+ times for work so he enjoys these restaurants every now and again. We sat down to the hibachi grill which of course means you are sitting with about 10 other people at your "table". Last night we were seated with about 8 ladies who appeared to be having a big ladies night out. Before the meal came 3 of them ordered wine. 2 whites and one red. The fact that I can tell you how many ordered wine and what they ordered tells you something. Hubby of course asked if it bothered me and it didn't at all. I notice it, but it doesn't bother me one bit. I have no desire to drink...it's not worth it to me. So we all had our soup course then our salad course then the hibachi guy (do they really have a name? Hibachi cook? I don't know...) came out and cooked our enourmous meals. YUM I would say an hour and a half passed until we were all finished with our meals. But you know what I noticed? These three ladies STILL HAD WINE IN THEIR GLASSES. Like from the first glass of wine that they had ordered before any courses were served. Only an alcoholic thinks that and laughs about it. I told hubby, "Holy crap. They STILL have wine in their FIRST glasses that they ordered at the beginning of the night." Here is how that would have went for me. First of all, I would have had at least half a bottle of wine before I even left the house. At LEAST half a bottle. Logic? Wine is cheaper at home so go ahead and get a buzz before you go to dinner. AND you are drinking on an empty stomach so the buzz comes quicker. Sane logic right? Second, when I got to the restaurant I would have instantly ordered wine. And I would have made sure it was a wine with a high alcohol content. None of this 7% BS for me if I'm paying that much for wine. I would have probably sucked down 2 before the first course even came. Probably another 2 during dinner and maybe one after. Third, I probably wouldn't have eaten as much as I did because I wouldn't want to ruin my buzz with a heavy meal. That is a whole lot of thinking that used to go into one dinner out for me huh? Now I get to go, enjoy my food, save a shit ton of money, not end up arguing with my hubby because by that point I would want to "go out", and not feel like crap the next morning. What a concept right???

So, if you are a alcoholic, this all makes perfect sense to you. If you are not, then well, yes, we truly are insane if you are asking yourself right now, "Are these alcoholic people insane???". Yes. Yes we are. I can tell you that I much prefer my dinner dates out now MUCH more than the old dates. After dinner we went to our meetings that a bunch of our couple friends go to then we went out for dessert with them afterwards. A fantastic night with no drama, no alcohol, and no arguing. I love this life!

It's baaaack....whatever "it" is

Sunday afternoon I went to my wonderful women's group and when I got home, hubby was working in the garage on some projects. Typically I like to go down there with him and keep him company and piddle around when he is doing that. That night though I felt SO exhausted. The thought of getting up out of the floor (Okay, really I was sitting in Rocko's dog bed...) to hand him a screwdriver or whatever else he asked for was exhausting to me. I thought, well, I am just tired from the weekend.

Monday I woke up and was SO exhausted that I didn't want to do anything. And my mind seemed kind of foggy. Like I couldn't concentrate on anything. I went to a meeting that night and though I was hearing what was being said in the reading, I couldn't focus and really HEAR what was being said. I did admit this shortcoming in the meeting in case you are wondering...HA! I couldn't figure out what was going on until Tuesday afternoon when my fingers and wrists started hurting. Then I knew what was going on. IT was back. IT being this strange autoimmune disease that my mother also has. I had these symptoms a couple of months ago, went to the doctor and was given a steroid and a high dose of Ibuprofen. I was told my ANA levels were slightly higher than normal and to call if the problem came back.

Well it's back in full force and maybe worse than last time. The swelling isn't as bad this time but the fatigue is way worse. My mom has these EXACT same symptoms. She has been all over the state trying to find out what is wrong with her. She has been given a long list of things it is NOT and some answers about a few things but no one has really been able to answer what exactly this is except that it is autoimmune. This all might be boring for some of you to read but I kind of want to document this for myself so when it comes back again I will know how it was this time.

So basically instead of today cleaning our back porch, going to my meeting tonight, and various other things, I've spend the day laying around doing nothing. My wrists hurt, my elbows hurt, my fingers hurt, my arms feel tired and my knees hurt. My fingers are not working right. I keep dropping things and typing is somewhat difficult as well. It's extremely frustrating and my mom said she thought she was going crazy for awhile when she had these same symptoms. Again...I got sober and now this is what I get??? Come on man!

So I have an evening ahead of me of doing not much of anything. The agenda is to watch American Idol, eat the pizza that I ordered and start a new book. I have a good book review coming up soon. Definitely one for all to read. Will post about it tomorrow if I feel better!

Signing off for now...

My keyboard has dust on it!

Wow! I can't believe how long it has been since I "wrote" on this blog. My mom in fact was all, "Is everything okay? You haven't blogged in awhile...." I guess I should mention that last year when I was going off the deep end I had another blog and stopped blogging cold turkey. That was a "sign" to my mother that things were a little off with me. HA I suppose a mother will always worry huh? But don't worry, everything is better than fine, I have just been doing other things. I think I kind of have ADHD with things I'm interested in. I'll be all gung ho about reading...then a month later I'll be gung ho about doing puzzles....then a month later I'll be gung ho about blogging....I think consistency is perhaps something I need to work on. Hmmm....

So things are going well in our house. Basketball is now over for Will and his team went undefeated this year up until the semi-finals of the tournament. We were so proud of him!

Sheridan is still my little bookworm and at 12 years old (I can't believe I'm typing that) she is growing up on us. This weekend I said all I could hear coming from her room was the sounds of loud music (albeit Taylor Swift...HA) and her talking on the phone to her friends rehashing the slumber party from the night before. Where does time go?? And my sister Tabi is almost all finished applying to colleges and getting ready for her final prom and graduation - crazy! We also recently celebrated her 18th birthday. She is an adult now! Which means if she does something stupid now she can go to jail and I can let her sit there....HAHA Just kidding Tab...well, kind of. ;)

Another exciting thing that happened is that my best friend of 25 years had a baby last weekend! They had their struggled with the journey so I couldn't be happier for two people than I am for her and her hubby. So I became an "aunt" again last weekend to little Lincoln Allen and I can't wait to go visit them on Wednesday!

Things are going really well in my sobriety journey. I could probably type for hours about this but I'll save some of it for other posts. I feel like I am getting more involved in my recovery community which is a wonderful thing on a lot of levels. I'm starting to reach out more to others, I'm leading meetings, I'm giving rides to people when needed, and get this - I have been asked to give my lead next month! AH! (For those not in recovery, giving a "lead" basically means telling your story during a meeting. It's about 45 minutes talking about your journey). I'll be giving mine at the treatment center where I did outpatient treatment and I'm looking forward to it. It's a pretty big meeting but I know I'll have some people there who I am friends with so that will be helpful. I'm trying to not worry about it too much but holy cow. I feel honored to be asked to do that and I hope something I say will help someone who is listening as I know it did me and still does.

I'll leave it all at that right now but I have some things coming up this week. I have some good recipes I want to post as well as my new recipe organizing system which I'm pretty proud of. :) Also, you will notice on my sidebar my books on "goodreads." If you like to read, I suggest you check out www.goodreads.com. It's pretty fabulous - you can go through books and mark them as read, to read, rate books, look at others books, etc. It's a great way to keep track if you are a bookworm like me. :)

Bye for now!