Rebooting

No, I'm not rebooting my computer or my cable box (which is annoying to have to do by the way!), but I realized this week I need to "reboot" some things in my life.  I mentioned that I was kind of in a funk this past weekend and I'm happy to say that I made myself snap right out of that on Monday.  New week, sunny day, and time to get off the pity pot as my sponsor would say.  :)

Monday night I went to my home group meeting and as always I felt better after I left there.  Yesterday I went to an awesome meeting at noon and heard so many things that I needed to hear.  Isn't it amazing how that tends to happen?  Turns out that a LOT of people are in this kind of "funk" right now.  Maybe it's the weather.  Maybe it's the holidays.  Maybe we are just alcoholics and addicts?  HA  Either way, it was great to go and hear that others were going through this and I was able to hear their solutions to this.  I especially love hearing from people who have longterm sobriety discuss going through a slump and their solutions.  It's good to hear that I'm "normal" for an alcoholic and that this too shall pass.  It's also really cool that I can recognize today when I am in this type of funk and that I do NOT like wallowing in that place for long.  Don't get me wrong, I let myself wallow sometimes longer than I should but I'm able to say today that that is an icky place to be.  I prefer being on the happy side of sober. 

Tonight I met with a sponsee at Starbucks (I swear it's the unofficial meeting spot for alcoholics...HA) and it was good to get out of my own head for a little bit.  That is one of the greatest joys of sponsoring women and I am blessed to have great sponsees in my life who I learn from all of the time.  I went to a women's meeting tonight and it was awesome and again, I heard what I needed to hear and felt great when I left there. 

As far as the "reboot" I'm referring to, I kind of realized that I've been slipping in my recovery program.  Not huge slips - just not doing as much as I used to or as much as I need to.  For the past couple of weeks I haven't been hitting as many meetings as I normally do.  I haven't been reading as much as I normally do.  Just little things but they can become big things fast for those of us who need a consistent program and daily reprieve.  So I'm kind of rebooting my program - time to get back in the frame of mind I was in when I was newer in the program.  I have to remember that my recovery program comes before anything else in my life.  I have heard whatever you put ahead of your recovery you are sure to lose eventually and I believe that.  Especially with the holidays coming up I need to really make sure that I have a good action plan for working the program that I know I need to.

I think I'm rambling now but in addition to that I've started thinking about my physical health as well.  I used to workout all the time and eat super healthy.  That is something that I can become obsessive with so I have to watch it but I think I'm ready to start the new year off getting slowly back into that way of life.  I know that I feel SO much better when I eat healthy and exercise regularly.  Here's to hoping I can make myself do it when the time comes! 

Hope everyone is having a great week - 19 days until Christmas....eeek!

It's all good....well almost all.

Hey hey all! I haven't posted in a few days but I wanted to write about a few things that have gone on this weekend. First of all, on Thursday I gave my first lead! So crazy! I never thought at 10 months sober I would be doing that but when I know that when I was asked it was for a reason so I said yes. I was asked by a friend who I met in outpatient treatment and I was asked to speak at the treatment center that we both attended. It's a big meeting and you have to stand up in front with a podium - yikes! I was like, okay so do I plan this out or what? My sponsor said, nope, you sure don't. You have a beginning (which is just your name, your sobriety date, and your home group) and an end (thank you...so novel I know...HA) and she said to leave the middle to God. Pray that he gives you the words to speak and that is it. She said the best leads are the ones that aren't planned out because the best ones just come from the heart. That seemed so unnatural to me. I'm a planner by nature so as the day wore on Thursday I started getting nervous. I was like, okay, I'm nervous that I have NO plan. I had NO clue what I was going to say and that kind of scared me. I must have prayed a million times that day. I had a bunch of the ladies from my home group come to support me which just made my night. It's so wonderful to have people who truly care about me. It made me feel so grateful. Of course right before I was to speak I was like, oh no. I have to pee. Because that is just me. Nerves I guess. Then I got all worried about having to pee the entire time I was speaking. HA But before I knew it I was up there speaking and the words just flowed. It was over before I knew it! I did it!!! I made people laugh, I made someone cry, and a lot of people told me that it was great and that they could really relate and that they heard a lot of their story in mine. Wow. It was a whole different kind of rush and high. What an amazing thing to share experience, strength and hope with others.

Friday little sis Tabi and I went prom dress shopping for her senior prom - holy crap! Senior! Eep! On our way we noticed a ginormous strawberry on the side of the road so we knew that we just must stop to have our picture by it. My mom and I always say we are going to take a road trip to find random things like this. I mean it's not every day you get to take a picture like this right? I think not. And oh yeah, we found THE dress! :) I can't post pics yet because it's top secret. But trust me, she looks gorgeous in it!

Friday evening we went to USI (which is where I received my college degree not SO many years ago....okay maybe a FEW years ago...) for Sheridan's science fair awards. Her project was chosen to be entered in the Tri-State Science and Engineering Fair and we were told that she had won some awards so we needed to be there. How exciting! I would like to tell you in detail about her project but honestly science is lost on me. I mean it is interesting I suppose to a degree but I took the bare minimum I needed to in that area. Not my thing at all. But her project involved genetics and fruitflies. She is a little smarty pants and we are so proud of her! She ended up winning 1st place in her category in her division and won an honorable mention for the grand prize! Being that my husband is an engineer this is no surprise that she is good at this stuff :) Doesn't that look like a proud 6th grader to you?

So that is all good right? Well here is the "almost all" part of this post. Yesterday I went to my Big Book study group then went to the store. Having a lovely afternoon really. I came home, got out of the car with some groceries, walked up the steps, opened my front door and when I stepped into my house, BAM! My back had some sort of weird sharp pain and down I went. I managed to make it over to my kitchen island to put the groceries down but then I just kind of hung out in the floor until my husband came in. I was laughing so hard because if I didn't laugh I would have cried. I could not get up! He piggy backed me to the couch and told me to just fall over on the pillows. HAHA It was quite comical really because when I tried to walk I couldn't stand up so I just kind of danced along bobbing up and down. Sigh. I hurt SO bad last night. I couldn't stand up, could barely walk, couldn't straighten out my legs....ugh. My first thought, "There goes p90x. Dammit!" I think an injury like this is more frustrating than anything because I have to depend on someone else to do everything for me. I am not a sit down and watch people kind of person. This morning I went to the chiropractor (of course, my chiropractor is out on vacation..."climbing a mountain with his wife"...um. So I saw someone else in his office) and he worked on me. Pushed, prodded, cracked, massaged...I honestly feel a little better. I can straighten my legs now and walk...a little. I have to go back Wednesday and Friday. I will be sitting on a lot of ice and resting today and tomorrow. It's frustrating but I have to listen to my body even when I don't want to I guess. Let me just say, my little sister has been a star taking care of me today. I need to give props where they are due!

Ooooh....I've read a lot of good books recently too. I've been slacking on book posts...I might do one later. Hope everyone is having a great Monday (even with the time change!)

Hurts So Good

Holy cow. So I started p90x yesterday. I had forgotten how hard that workout really is! Yesterday was chest/back + ab ripper. 90 minutes of pure pain. HA It was awesome though to be doing some exercise again. I'm so motivated to stick to this to hopefully see awesome results by beginning of summer. I went to the grocery store on Sunday and bought a whole boatload of healthy foods also. I know that diet is HUGE in looking great so I'll do it even if I'd rather have my Diet Dr. Pepper and chocolate chip cookie dough. Instead yesterday I had things like egg whites, grilled chicken salad, string cheese and almonds. Not so bad in all honesty....just a change.

Today I woke up and WOW am I am sore!!! My upper body feels like I've been in a car accident! It hurts to pick up things to move in certain ways....but it hurts so good. I haven't had this feeling in a long time and honestly I missed it. I love how it feels to workout and get in shape. Yes, I'm a sicko but I really do. About to move on to Day 2 workout today - Plyometrics. Let's see if I make it!

Other than that I had a great day yesterday. I met with my sponsor a bit before our meeting and she asked me to give my lead at the end of April at our women's meeting. Man! I'm starting to get nervous about giving my lead this Thursday. There were about 100 people at that meeting last week....yikes! I'm sure I will be fine - it's not something you can mess up. There is no right or wrong. I minored in Communications in college which was essentially a crazy ton of speech classes so surely I can handle this. Great women's meeting last night...I am so grateful to have that. A lot of towns do not have a women's meeting...I can't imagine. I've come to rely on the ladies in that group for so much and I don't know what I would do without them.

Wednesday I get to go see my best friend's baby again. So excited!!! :) Pretty much just a status quo week. I'm feeling good, I'm sober, and I'm feeling healthy. Here's to the good life!

Tomorrow is Day 1

Tomorrow is Day 1. Day 1 of my journey to get back into a fit, healthy lifestyle. I have been putting it off and putting it off but it's time. My rear end says so!

I have always been into working out. I ran track and cross country in high school, worked out at our college gym during those years, and have belonged to several different gyms along the way. The longest I've gone without working out is probably 2-3 weeks. Before I went to rehab I had an extremely strict schedule as to when I worked out, what I did, what I ate, when I ate, etc. It was probably a little excessive honestly - I know, shocking that we alcoholics would be excessive about something right?? I went to rehab and worked out maybe 4 times while there and it was minimal. Yet another alcoholic trait of mine is that I'm very all or nothing. Well at that point, I became "nothing" as it pertained to working out and eating healthy. The food at my rehab was ridiculous. Full buffet for EVERY single meal. And I'm talking fried food, desserts as far as you could see, pastas, etc. You name it, we had it. I know their goal was to fatten some of us up because let's face it, some of us needed it. I gained some weight at rehab, totally lost any gumption to eat healthy and became pretty damn lazy in all honesty. I think that was the only negative thing about going but man, it's caught up to me now.

Now it's been 10 months. I NEVER got back into a routine that I needed to. I kind of have been eating whatever I want, whenever I want and not working out at all. I mean I walk the dog sometimes and small things but as far as exercising? Not so much. Especially for someone like me who has always been pretty hard core. I have building up to getting in the frame of mind to make the change and it's finally happened. I don't know if it's the fact that summer is coming or the fact that I KNOW how much better I feel when I am healthy in that manner but something has clicked and I'm now ready. Like I said, I'm "all or nothing" and now I'm in the ALL phase. Now, in saying that, this is something I have to watch. I have had issues in the past with eating and exercising so I have my hubby to yank a knot in my tail if I start obsessing over it all. My plan is to get back in shape, feel better physically and mentally, and have fun doing it. It's going to suck at first and I know that from experience but as so many things I've done in my life this past year, I know that the end will justify the means.

So tomorrow it starts. I got rid of all of my favorite junk food snacks, bought a ton of healthy food (which I actually like so I don't know why I ever get away from it), and have my p90x DVD's ready to go tomorrow. I've never done that particular program but I know my body can handle intense workouts so I say bring it on. I had hubby take "before" pictures tonight for me. I wore my bikini that I like to wear the most in the summer. Bam! I looked at the rear pics and I had no idea that I was THAT out of shape. Geez. Okay, I have made the right decision in getting this party started. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not the girl who runs around saying, "Oh, I'm SO fat." I know I am not fat. BUT I am out of shape and I can tell. My body has shifted and is out of shape and jiggly and I don't like it. So bear with me here.

Tomorrow morning....egg whites for breakfast and p90x for a mid afternoon snack. Gulp. Here we go....

(I pray I can even move my little hands to type after the workout. I have a feeling my lack of working out over the past 10 months is going to show....)