"Comparison is the thief of joy." I am not saying that comparison is THE thief of joy because I suppose many things can steal your joy, however, I have always loved this quote because boy can I relate to it. Think about your day. How many times did you compare yourself to someone else? Maybe you compared your body to someone else's. Maybe you compared your success to someone else's. Maybe you compared your kids grades with someone else's. There are all sorts of ways that comparison squeezes its way into our lives on a daily basis. What I have learned is that I am most likely to compare myself to others in areas where I myself struggle. Same with friends I have talked to. For example, I have some friends who worry about where they are professionally. So they inevitably compare themselves with other people their age and where they are in some fabulous job because they themselves are struggling with their own circumstances. It seems to be our culture and maybe somewhat human nature to do this.
I have struggled with this in my life on many different levels. One thing that I will say is that in sobriety, I struggle with comparison much less than I did before. But. I still do it. My main struggle, especially this time of year tends to be me comparing myself to other women and how they look. I have always struggled with body image and this time of year rolls around and lo and behold....I forgot to start eating healthy and working out in time. Oops. (Can you relate?!) I get in my head that I should have a better body. I should be more toned. I should be tan. I should....and the list goes on and on. I compare myself to people on TV. I compare myself to girls that are 20 (which I am definitely NOT). I compare myself to women that I know who are my age. I compare myself to the women on Zulily for pete's sake if I think they look great in something that I wouldn't. All that this kind of thinking does is make me crazy. As an alcoholic once my mind gets on a subject, it just stays there like it's running in a hamster wheel until I force myself to take some action to get out of that frame of mind. I would like to say that as soon as I start feeling the comparison song and dance come on that I immediately take action and get out of it. That's not always the case though. Sometimes I sit in it for awhile. Why? Who knows. But I do. I think the world of social media just makes these types of things even worse. We only post the best parts of our life on those platforms right? The perfect picture of our kids. The perfect picture of our home. The perfect picture of ourselves. Sometimes I have to just stop looking honestly. If I am in a good frame of mind, I am happy for you and all of your great things. But if I am in a sick frame of mind, probably not so much. I am probably forgetting that no one's life is perfect and that I need to be grateful for what I DO have.
That brings me to the action I have to remind myself to take when I start going down the comparison rabbit hole. Gratitude. My life today is absolutely better than I could have ever imagined. It's not perfect. No one's is. But mine is pretty darn good. I have a great marriage. I have healthy kids. I have a dog who I am unnaturally obsessed with. I have sobriety. I have a LOT to be grateful for. When I start comparing myself, I have to instead remind myself of these wonderful things in my life. Do I always like my body? NO. But. I am healthy (for the most part!). I can walk and work out in my yard and read and write and paint....so many people can't do those things. I GET to do those things today. Before I became sober I had no tools to deal with these feelings and I compared myself to EVERYONE around me and it made me a crazy person. I always wanted more. A bigger house. A better car. A better purse. Better clothes. The thing is, I always had everything I needed and for the most part everything I wanted. My alcoholism was telling me that I needed MORE to be okay in life. That just isn't true. I'm so grateful today that I no longer have to live that way.
I'm writing this as much for myself as for anyone else as gentle reminder. Comparing ourselves to others has the potential to go one of two ways - either we will feel "better than" or we will feel "worse than". I don't want to feel either of those things. I want to be grateful for the life that I do have and not worry about things that others may or may not have. If you find yourself starting the comparison game - whether it's about your looks, your job, your relationship status, whatever! - try to throw some gratitude at your thoughts instead. It seems to be the best antidote in my opinion. Also you aren't alone. We have all done this at some point in our lives and that's easy to forget. No one's life is perfect. But I'm betting that yours is a lot better than you think it is if you stop and take a moment to practice gratitude. Being 36 and getting to an age where I don't give a hoot is also helpful but hey, if you aren't there yet, keep going! It gets better! 😀
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