It's funny how once we become sober we start realizing a lot of things that we never noticed before. For instance, for those who are sober alcoholics...did you ever notice all of the many commercials and billboards for alcohol before? I certainly didn't but I do now. It doesn't make me want it, but I notice them. I think we notice everything alcohol related now so much more than we once did and so much more than those "normal" people do.
Last night my hubby and I had a date night. We went to a new Japanese restaurant in town which is pretty yummy. Hubby has been to Japan 40+ times for work so he enjoys these restaurants every now and again. We sat down to the hibachi grill which of course means you are sitting with about 10 other people at your "table". Last night we were seated with about 8 ladies who appeared to be having a big ladies night out. Before the meal came 3 of them ordered wine. 2 whites and one red. The fact that I can tell you how many ordered wine and what they ordered tells you something. Hubby of course asked if it bothered me and it didn't at all. I notice it, but it doesn't bother me one bit. I have no desire to drink...it's not worth it to me. So we all had our soup course then our salad course then the hibachi guy (do they really have a name? Hibachi cook? I don't know...) came out and cooked our enourmous meals. YUM I would say an hour and a half passed until we were all finished with our meals. But you know what I noticed? These three ladies STILL HAD WINE IN THEIR GLASSES. Like from the first glass of wine that they had ordered before any courses were served. Only an alcoholic thinks that and laughs about it. I told hubby, "Holy crap. They STILL have wine in their FIRST glasses that they ordered at the beginning of the night." Here is how that would have went for me. First of all, I would have had at least half a bottle of wine before I even left the house. At LEAST half a bottle. Logic? Wine is cheaper at home so go ahead and get a buzz before you go to dinner. AND you are drinking on an empty stomach so the buzz comes quicker. Sane logic right? Second, when I got to the restaurant I would have instantly ordered wine. And I would have made sure it was a wine with a high alcohol content. None of this 7% BS for me if I'm paying that much for wine. I would have probably sucked down 2 before the first course even came. Probably another 2 during dinner and maybe one after. Third, I probably wouldn't have eaten as much as I did because I wouldn't want to ruin my buzz with a heavy meal. That is a whole lot of thinking that used to go into one dinner out for me huh? Now I get to go, enjoy my food, save a shit ton of money, not end up arguing with my hubby because by that point I would want to "go out", and not feel like crap the next morning. What a concept right???
So, if you are a alcoholic, this all makes perfect sense to you. If you are not, then well, yes, we truly are insane if you are asking yourself right now, "Are these alcoholic people insane???". Yes. Yes we are. I can tell you that I much prefer my dinner dates out now MUCH more than the old dates. After dinner we went to our meetings that a bunch of our couple friends go to then we went out for dessert with them afterwards. A fantastic night with no drama, no alcohol, and no arguing. I love this life!
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Thursday, February 23, 2012
It's baaaack....whatever "it" is
Sunday afternoon I went to my wonderful women's group and when I got home, hubby was working in the garage on some projects. Typically I like to go down there with him and keep him company and piddle around when he is doing that. That night though I felt SO exhausted. The thought of getting up out of the floor (Okay, really I was sitting in Rocko's dog bed...) to hand him a screwdriver or whatever else he asked for was exhausting to me. I thought, well, I am just tired from the weekend.
Monday I woke up and was SO exhausted that I didn't want to do anything. And my mind seemed kind of foggy. Like I couldn't concentrate on anything. I went to a meeting that night and though I was hearing what was being said in the reading, I couldn't focus and really HEAR what was being said. I did admit this shortcoming in the meeting in case you are wondering...HA! I couldn't figure out what was going on until Tuesday afternoon when my fingers and wrists started hurting. Then I knew what was going on. IT was back. IT being this strange autoimmune disease that my mother also has. I had these symptoms a couple of months ago, went to the doctor and was given a steroid and a high dose of Ibuprofen. I was told my ANA levels were slightly higher than normal and to call if the problem came back.
Well it's back in full force and maybe worse than last time. The swelling isn't as bad this time but the fatigue is way worse. My mom has these EXACT same symptoms. She has been all over the state trying to find out what is wrong with her. She has been given a long list of things it is NOT and some answers about a few things but no one has really been able to answer what exactly this is except that it is autoimmune. This all might be boring for some of you to read but I kind of want to document this for myself so when it comes back again I will know how it was this time.
So basically instead of today cleaning our back porch, going to my meeting tonight, and various other things, I've spend the day laying around doing nothing. My wrists hurt, my elbows hurt, my fingers hurt, my arms feel tired and my knees hurt. My fingers are not working right. I keep dropping things and typing is somewhat difficult as well. It's extremely frustrating and my mom said she thought she was going crazy for awhile when she had these same symptoms. Again...I got sober and now this is what I get??? Come on man!
So I have an evening ahead of me of doing not much of anything. The agenda is to watch American Idol, eat the pizza that I ordered and start a new book. I have a good book review coming up soon. Definitely one for all to read. Will post about it tomorrow if I feel better!
Signing off for now...
Monday I woke up and was SO exhausted that I didn't want to do anything. And my mind seemed kind of foggy. Like I couldn't concentrate on anything. I went to a meeting that night and though I was hearing what was being said in the reading, I couldn't focus and really HEAR what was being said. I did admit this shortcoming in the meeting in case you are wondering...HA! I couldn't figure out what was going on until Tuesday afternoon when my fingers and wrists started hurting. Then I knew what was going on. IT was back. IT being this strange autoimmune disease that my mother also has. I had these symptoms a couple of months ago, went to the doctor and was given a steroid and a high dose of Ibuprofen. I was told my ANA levels were slightly higher than normal and to call if the problem came back.
Well it's back in full force and maybe worse than last time. The swelling isn't as bad this time but the fatigue is way worse. My mom has these EXACT same symptoms. She has been all over the state trying to find out what is wrong with her. She has been given a long list of things it is NOT and some answers about a few things but no one has really been able to answer what exactly this is except that it is autoimmune. This all might be boring for some of you to read but I kind of want to document this for myself so when it comes back again I will know how it was this time.
So basically instead of today cleaning our back porch, going to my meeting tonight, and various other things, I've spend the day laying around doing nothing. My wrists hurt, my elbows hurt, my fingers hurt, my arms feel tired and my knees hurt. My fingers are not working right. I keep dropping things and typing is somewhat difficult as well. It's extremely frustrating and my mom said she thought she was going crazy for awhile when she had these same symptoms. Again...I got sober and now this is what I get??? Come on man!
So I have an evening ahead of me of doing not much of anything. The agenda is to watch American Idol, eat the pizza that I ordered and start a new book. I have a good book review coming up soon. Definitely one for all to read. Will post about it tomorrow if I feel better!
Signing off for now...
Monday, February 20, 2012
My keyboard has dust on it!
Wow! I can't believe how long it has been since I "wrote" on this blog. My mom in fact was all, "Is everything okay? You haven't blogged in awhile...." I guess I should mention that last year when I was going off the deep end I had another blog and stopped blogging cold turkey. That was a "sign" to my mother that things were a little off with me. HA I suppose a mother will always worry huh? But don't worry, everything is better than fine, I have just been doing other things. I think I kind of have ADHD with things I'm interested in. I'll be all gung ho about reading...then a month later I'll be gung ho about doing puzzles....then a month later I'll be gung ho about blogging....I think consistency is perhaps something I need to work on. Hmmm....
Sheridan is still my little bookworm and at 12 years old (I can't believe I'm typing that) she is growing up on us. This weekend I said all I could hear coming from her room was the sounds of loud music (albeit Taylor Swift...HA) and her talking on the phone to her friends rehashing the slumber party from the night before. Where does time go?? And my sister Tabi is almost all finished applying to colleges and getting ready for her final prom and graduation - crazy! We also recently celebrated her 18th birthday. She is an adult now! Which means if she does something stupid now she can go to jail and I can let her sit there....HAHA Just kidding Tab...well, kind of. ;)
I'll leave it all at that right now but I have some things coming up this week. I have some good recipes I want to post as well as my new recipe organizing system which I'm pretty proud of. :) Also, you will notice on my sidebar my books on "goodreads." If you like to read, I suggest you check out www.goodreads.com. It's pretty fabulous - you can go through books and mark them as read, to read, rate books, look at others books, etc. It's a great way to keep track if you are a bookworm like me. :)
Bye for now!
So things are going well in our house. Basketball is now over for Will and his team went undefeated this year up until the semi-finals of the tournament. We were so proud of him!
Sheridan is still my little bookworm and at 12 years old (I can't believe I'm typing that) she is growing up on us. This weekend I said all I could hear coming from her room was the sounds of loud music (albeit Taylor Swift...HA) and her talking on the phone to her friends rehashing the slumber party from the night before. Where does time go?? And my sister Tabi is almost all finished applying to colleges and getting ready for her final prom and graduation - crazy! We also recently celebrated her 18th birthday. She is an adult now! Which means if she does something stupid now she can go to jail and I can let her sit there....HAHA Just kidding Tab...well, kind of. ;)
Another exciting thing that happened is that my best friend of 25 years had a baby last weekend! They had their struggled with the journey so I couldn't be happier for two people than I am for her and her hubby. So I became an "aunt" again last weekend to little Lincoln Allen and I can't wait to go visit them on Wednesday!
I'll leave it all at that right now but I have some things coming up this week. I have some good recipes I want to post as well as my new recipe organizing system which I'm pretty proud of. :) Also, you will notice on my sidebar my books on "goodreads." If you like to read, I suggest you check out www.goodreads.com. It's pretty fabulous - you can go through books and mark them as read, to read, rate books, look at others books, etc. It's a great way to keep track if you are a bookworm like me. :)
Bye for now!
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Words of Wisdom....Thursday!
I'm a day late and a dollar short on this week's "Words of Wisdom Wednesday" but hey, better late than never right?
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Making Amends....to the dog?
Hey all! It's been awhile since I blogged! I think I go through spurts where I feel like writing and then I go in spurts where I don't. I've had a cold that has dragged me down and made me in somewhat of a "blah" mood so I'm sure that has something to do with it. On days like that I'm sure I would just depress everyone who read this. HA
So in my recovery news everything is pretty status quo. I'm going to meetings, doing my step work, and starting to try to take a more active role in our recovery community. My sponsor told me that it's time I pick a home group so I think I've figured that out. I belong to a great group of women in recovery and they have all been a great help on this journey of mine and I'm so grateful to them every single day. That will become my home group so basically I will do more service work, etc. for that group. It's a good way to be kept accountable. We also started this past weekend doing a Big Book study in which we are literally going through the Big Book page by page. I'm loving this group so far and look forward to going again next Sunday!
As for step work I am to the dreaded Step 9 - making amends. Now, I've definitely said I'm sorry more times over the past 9 months than I ever have in my life - and MEANT it when I said it. But making amends it a lot more than that. It's not only saying "I'm sorry" but it's saying "I was wrong" which is a big thing. Most people are tired of hearing "I'm sorry." Starting with "I was wrong" is a whole different meaning. To then go into everything you did that was wrong to these people and tell them your part in it ("I was selfish when I did "x"", etc.) is a really huge deal. I have to say this one is a little scary for me. Maybe it shouldn't be and I think some will be easier than others but damn. It will be very humbling for sure which is part of the point of this step. I know that I will feel some freedom once I do these amends so in a way I am looking forward to them. I joked with my sponsor, "Can I start with the dog? I feel he will be a good listener. And really, what can he say back that is bad? I owe him some apologies!" HAHA So, Rocko, you will be the first of a long list of amends that need to be made. Prepare yourself.
One of my friends that I met at rehab is coming tomorrow to stay for a couple of days - I am beyond excited!!! It's amazing the friends that you can make while in rehab. I went in thinking, "Oh I do NOT get along with women. THis is going to be horrible!," to coming out with some amazing friendships. You kind of go to hell and back with these women in a way. Unfortunately I have to say that most of the girls I was in rehab with just 8 short months ago have relapsed. Some relapsed and then got back into the program, some relapsed and have not yet found their way, some are trying "controlled drinking" (which really, if you can do that then in my opinion you aren't truly an alcoholic), and there are a few who are still doing the deal and are clean and sober. I pray for these ladies every single night and love each and every one of them even those who have not yet found their way. Anyway, my friend who is coming tomorrow is still going strong on her sober journey so we have great plans to eat junk food, watch trashy reality TV, and live in sweats for the next couple of days. Doesn't this sound grand??? I think so. :)
I am becoming a bit obsessed again with decorating our house. We had only lived in our new house for about 3 months before I started decorating for fall then straight into Christmas. So now what...my house looks bare!!! Time to get back in the game. More to come on that!
Oh, and I got my hair colored for the first time! Damn you gray hairs. I am 30 and have them. Thanks mother. HA It's a little darker than it was before and I love it! CHEESE!
So in my recovery news everything is pretty status quo. I'm going to meetings, doing my step work, and starting to try to take a more active role in our recovery community. My sponsor told me that it's time I pick a home group so I think I've figured that out. I belong to a great group of women in recovery and they have all been a great help on this journey of mine and I'm so grateful to them every single day. That will become my home group so basically I will do more service work, etc. for that group. It's a good way to be kept accountable. We also started this past weekend doing a Big Book study in which we are literally going through the Big Book page by page. I'm loving this group so far and look forward to going again next Sunday!
As for step work I am to the dreaded Step 9 - making amends. Now, I've definitely said I'm sorry more times over the past 9 months than I ever have in my life - and MEANT it when I said it. But making amends it a lot more than that. It's not only saying "I'm sorry" but it's saying "I was wrong" which is a big thing. Most people are tired of hearing "I'm sorry." Starting with "I was wrong" is a whole different meaning. To then go into everything you did that was wrong to these people and tell them your part in it ("I was selfish when I did "x"", etc.) is a really huge deal. I have to say this one is a little scary for me. Maybe it shouldn't be and I think some will be easier than others but damn. It will be very humbling for sure which is part of the point of this step. I know that I will feel some freedom once I do these amends so in a way I am looking forward to them. I joked with my sponsor, "Can I start with the dog? I feel he will be a good listener. And really, what can he say back that is bad? I owe him some apologies!" HAHA So, Rocko, you will be the first of a long list of amends that need to be made. Prepare yourself.
One of my friends that I met at rehab is coming tomorrow to stay for a couple of days - I am beyond excited!!! It's amazing the friends that you can make while in rehab. I went in thinking, "Oh I do NOT get along with women. THis is going to be horrible!," to coming out with some amazing friendships. You kind of go to hell and back with these women in a way. Unfortunately I have to say that most of the girls I was in rehab with just 8 short months ago have relapsed. Some relapsed and then got back into the program, some relapsed and have not yet found their way, some are trying "controlled drinking" (which really, if you can do that then in my opinion you aren't truly an alcoholic), and there are a few who are still doing the deal and are clean and sober. I pray for these ladies every single night and love each and every one of them even those who have not yet found their way. Anyway, my friend who is coming tomorrow is still going strong on her sober journey so we have great plans to eat junk food, watch trashy reality TV, and live in sweats for the next couple of days. Doesn't this sound grand??? I think so. :)
I am becoming a bit obsessed again with decorating our house. We had only lived in our new house for about 3 months before I started decorating for fall then straight into Christmas. So now what...my house looks bare!!! Time to get back in the game. More to come on that!
Oh, and I got my hair colored for the first time! Damn you gray hairs. I am 30 and have them. Thanks mother. HA It's a little darker than it was before and I love it! CHEESE!
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Just Me, Being Me
I've recently seen some bloggers revamping their "About Me" sections or writing posts letting you know a little more about them. I decided to go ahead and throw one of these posts on here because I know a lot of you who read my blog don't know me in real life. Those who do, well you probably know most of this so just play along :) How about 30 random things about me in no particular order...
1. I bite my lips horribly until they have huge spots on them. I hate this habit.
2. I am the oldest of technically 5. I have a stepsister, 2 half sisters, and a brother. You can't even imagine my family tree.
3. Teen Mom has become a guilty pleasure of mine. Oh the shame...
4. I wash my face and take my eye makeup off every single night before bed without fail no matter what.
5. I was tanorexic in my early 20's. A habit I have since remedied and am now obsessed with sunscreen and hats.
6. I am watching the Golden Globe red carpet right now. I adore these shows.
7. I want to be friends with Zooey Deschanel. How fun does she seem??
8. I can make almost any baked good perfectly and make some mean meals but I always struggle with making rice. What is up with that?
9. I have a BS in Advertising/PR but was originally a Psychology major. Wish I would have stuck with that.
10. I got chicken pox the night of my first grade program in which I was to sing a solo - Zip-a-dee doo-da and I BEGGED my mother to let me go. She didn't. I think this was the start of my childhoold demise. HA
11. I am a total neat freak though looking at my room in high school you would never think this could happen.
12. I have been friends with my best friend for coming up on 26 years. We met in kindergarten and the rest has been history. We could write SEVERAL books I'm sure.
13. I went to rehab in Nashville, Tennessee and adore going back there as an alumni.
14. I LOVE sparkly things. If you look in my closet the majority of my shoes, clothes, hats, etc. have some sort of bling on them. I will never outgrow this.
15. I ran cross country all 4 years of high school and received the MVP award 3 of those 4 years.
16. I wear onion goggles when I chop onions. Look them up - they are for real and necessary.
17. I can watch Knocked Up and Forgetting Sarah Marshall over and over again.
18. I love sending REAL mail. Letters, cards, thank you notes, packages - anything.
19. I used to take voice lessons and play the piano.
20. Since rehab I have become addicted to Diet Dr. Pepper. Could be worse I suppose.
21. I have always had an obsession with the Royal Family. When I was a child I was just sure that I would one day marry Prince William. HA
22. I had braces in high school
23. I faint very easily and have "white coat syndrome". I've passed out at the gynecologist, family doctor, chiropractor, orthodontist, home, school - you name it.
24. I absolutely hate scary movies. I hide my eyes or change the channel anytime a preview even comes on. I'm a wuss.
25. I have a bracelet that says "I kiss my bulldog on the lips." And I do. HA
26. I can't stand to wear high heels. I used to live in them.
27. I never wanted to have kids. I still do not want to have biological children and I'm 30. Two stepchildren and being legal guardian of my little sister is good enough for me!
28. My father died at age 45 when I was just 22 years old.
29. I still have all 4 of my grandparents living. Pretty rare for a 30 year old!
30. I get extremely motion sick even in the front seat of a car sometimes. Super annoying.
1. I bite my lips horribly until they have huge spots on them. I hate this habit.
2. I am the oldest of technically 5. I have a stepsister, 2 half sisters, and a brother. You can't even imagine my family tree.
3. Teen Mom has become a guilty pleasure of mine. Oh the shame...
4. I wash my face and take my eye makeup off every single night before bed without fail no matter what.
5. I was tanorexic in my early 20's. A habit I have since remedied and am now obsessed with sunscreen and hats.
6. I am watching the Golden Globe red carpet right now. I adore these shows.
7. I want to be friends with Zooey Deschanel. How fun does she seem??
8. I can make almost any baked good perfectly and make some mean meals but I always struggle with making rice. What is up with that?
9. I have a BS in Advertising/PR but was originally a Psychology major. Wish I would have stuck with that.
10. I got chicken pox the night of my first grade program in which I was to sing a solo - Zip-a-dee doo-da and I BEGGED my mother to let me go. She didn't. I think this was the start of my childhoold demise. HA
11. I am a total neat freak though looking at my room in high school you would never think this could happen.
12. I have been friends with my best friend for coming up on 26 years. We met in kindergarten and the rest has been history. We could write SEVERAL books I'm sure.
13. I went to rehab in Nashville, Tennessee and adore going back there as an alumni.
14. I LOVE sparkly things. If you look in my closet the majority of my shoes, clothes, hats, etc. have some sort of bling on them. I will never outgrow this.
15. I ran cross country all 4 years of high school and received the MVP award 3 of those 4 years.
16. I wear onion goggles when I chop onions. Look them up - they are for real and necessary.
17. I can watch Knocked Up and Forgetting Sarah Marshall over and over again.
18. I love sending REAL mail. Letters, cards, thank you notes, packages - anything.
19. I used to take voice lessons and play the piano.
20. Since rehab I have become addicted to Diet Dr. Pepper. Could be worse I suppose.
21. I have always had an obsession with the Royal Family. When I was a child I was just sure that I would one day marry Prince William. HA
22. I had braces in high school
23. I faint very easily and have "white coat syndrome". I've passed out at the gynecologist, family doctor, chiropractor, orthodontist, home, school - you name it.
24. I absolutely hate scary movies. I hide my eyes or change the channel anytime a preview even comes on. I'm a wuss.
25. I have a bracelet that says "I kiss my bulldog on the lips." And I do. HA
26. I can't stand to wear high heels. I used to live in them.
27. I never wanted to have kids. I still do not want to have biological children and I'm 30. Two stepchildren and being legal guardian of my little sister is good enough for me!
28. My father died at age 45 when I was just 22 years old.
29. I still have all 4 of my grandparents living. Pretty rare for a 30 year old!
30. I get extremely motion sick even in the front seat of a car sometimes. Super annoying.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
A Recipe and a Read
It's been awhile since I posted and I am not really sure why. Probably because things have been pretty status quo around here.
Red Beans & Rice:
Ingredients
1 cup uncooked rice
1 (16 ounce) package turkey kielbasa, cut diagonally into 1/4 inch slices (I use 2 packages...just our preference)
1 onion, chopped
1 green bell pepper, chopped
1 clove chopped garlic
2 (15 ounce) cans canned kidney beans, drained
1 (16 ounce) can whole peeled tomatoes, chopped
1/2 teaspoon dried oregano
salt to taste
1/2 teaspoon pepper
Cajun Seasoning (to taste)
Directions:
In a saucepan, bring water to a boil. Add rice and stir. Reduce heat, cover and simmer for 20 minutes.
In a large skillet over low heat, cook sausage for 5 minutes. Stir in onion, green pepper and garlic; saute until tender. Pour in beans and tomatoes with juice. Season with oregano, salt and pepper. Add Cajun Seasoning according to taste. Simmer uncovered for 20 minutes. Serve over rice.
My precious little Rocko had surgery yesterday morning and had to stay overnight at the vet. I was traumatized by this. I'm sure HE was fine, but me? Not so much. HA He is now home recovering with the cone of shame and some baby socks to cover his wounds. Doesn't he look embarrassed? He probably wouldn't be if I wouldn't take pictures of him like this to show the world.
I have been reading a lot of books lately. This is one that I asked to receive for Christmas and it did NOT disappoint. My husband and I are St. Louis Cardinals baseball fans but awhile ago when I heard a little bit of Texas Ranger Josh Hamilton's story, I quickly became a fan of his. This book is a firsthand account of his life from childhood. Though obviously there is a lot of baseball talk in here, the meat of the story is a very honest account of where his addiction demons took him and how he overcame them. He goes into detail about how he lived his life then and how he lives his life now. The excerpt that I read awhile back making me want to read this book can be found by clicking this link: http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=2926447. This is just an excerpt of his story. And if that doesn't make you want to get this book then I don't know what will. I read it in two nights. It's a very easy read and it left me wanting more. This just emphasizes the fact that addiction is a powerful disease and does not discriminate. It can completely take over your life no matter how talented you are, no matter how much money you have, and no matter how much support you have at home. I kind of want to read this book again just talking about it. HA
Red Beans & Rice:
Ingredients
1 cup uncooked rice
1 (16 ounce) package turkey kielbasa, cut diagonally into 1/4 inch slices (I use 2 packages...just our preference)
1 onion, chopped
1 green bell pepper, chopped
1 clove chopped garlic
2 (15 ounce) cans canned kidney beans, drained
1 (16 ounce) can whole peeled tomatoes, chopped
1/2 teaspoon dried oregano
salt to taste
1/2 teaspoon pepper
Cajun Seasoning (to taste)
Directions:
In a saucepan, bring water to a boil. Add rice and stir. Reduce heat, cover and simmer for 20 minutes.
In a large skillet over low heat, cook sausage for 5 minutes. Stir in onion, green pepper and garlic; saute until tender. Pour in beans and tomatoes with juice. Season with oregano, salt and pepper. Add Cajun Seasoning according to taste. Simmer uncovered for 20 minutes. Serve over rice.
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