I'm a Bookworm: A Piece of Cake by Cupcake Brown

Here is something you may not know about me - I'm a bookworm. I have ALWAYS been a bookworm. I learned to read very young and truly enjoyed it. I used to save my allowance for books when I was little. Still to this day one of my favorite places to be is in a bookstore. I especially love a good used bookstore - the smell of old musty books is intoxicating to me in a good way. I've read some really great books lately so I want to start sharing those on this blog. I like all types of books so you never know what I might come up with on here!

Yes, the author's name is Cupcake Brown. You will understand once you read the book. Don't let this book cover full you into thinking this is some bubbly fun chick-lit book. This is a memoir and it is so incredibly REAL and honest. There are a lot of heavy subjects covered in this book. Just take a look at an excerpt from the back:

"There are shelves of memoirs about overcoming the death of a parent, childhood abuse, rape, drug addiction, miscarriage, alcoholism, hustling, gangbanging, near-death injuries, drug dealing, prostitution, or homelessness.

Cupcake Brown survived all these things before she’d even turned twenty.

And that’s when things got interesting…."

This is honestly one of the best books I have read in a really long time. To hear her story and how successful she is now is incredible. Go get this. NOW.

Getting Outside of Myself

Today has been a waste. Okay, not a waste...I remained sober, went to therapy, went to my sister's therapy with her and even managed to order a pizza. HA! But I haven't felt well today so I've spent most of the day in sweats curled up on the couch.

But yesterday was a VERY productive day and it was a great day because I participated in a couple of great recovery activities and really got outside of myself. For this alcoholic, getting outside of myself is absolutely necessary in my recovery. It's necessary for me to do everything I can to assist in my own recovery and help others in theirs.

Before I went to inpatient treatment I began outpatient treatment where I live. I only did about two weeks before going to inpatient. Part of my continuing care program in leaving inpatient was to start back into outpatient treatment upon my return home. So I started outpatient treatment all over again. I had a completely different outlook on life though so I was happy to start over and continue to learn. It was three nights a week at one of our local treatment centers and we were required to attend three 12 step meetings a week. I enjoyed going to both the classes at the treatment center and was more than happy to attend the three meetings and then some. Once six weeks is complete in the outpatient program you can then attend the Aftercare program which is once a week. You are not required to attend (unless legally you have to) but it's just another recovery tool that is offered so I take advantage of it. I try to attend every week as part of my program and truly enjoy it. Aftercare is either Wednesday morning at 10 or Thursday evening at 6. I have been attending Thursday night but yesterday I attended Wednesday which is a much smaller group than the Thursday. Since it's a much smaller group it has the feel of group therapy. It's wonderful to receive support in this setting. Someone was struggling very much yesterday with some things going on in her life. Instantly she had received 4 phone numbers of women she can call at any time she needs to talk. She knows we will not judge her or make her feel bad - we will just listen and share experience, strength, and hope. It's awesome to know that such supportive groups can exist for those of us in recovery.

Yesterday evening at 5pm I went to the local inpatient treatment center in our city. They hold a group every Wednesday evening called "Bridge Group" in which those of us already out in the "real world" in recovery go into the treatment center and answer questions that the patients have. It is meant to help "bridge the gap" between treatment and the real world for those currently in treatment. I know when I was in both inpatient and outpatient treatment I so appreciated those who volunteered their time to come in and speak to us. I had no idea what life was going to be like once I was out of treatment so having people in recovery come in and give us honest opinions on what worked for them was very comforting. Some of my friends in the recovery community go to Bridge Group often and invited me. It was a really great experience. The patients write down questions on a piece of paper anonymously and we answer them in the order that we pull them out of a can. If even one thing that we said touched one person then it is a success in my book. I hope to be able to do this at least once a month. It is also a good reminder to me that not long ago I was the one in treatment. I was the one feeling that way. I pray to never go back to that stage of the game.

As I said, today was pretty much a wash. I'm hoping tomorrow will be better because I have a lot of things that I need to take care of. So here's to bed early, sleeping well, and tomorrow being a new day!

Wednesday Words of Wisdom

Eight

Celebrating 8 months of a new, wonderful way of life!

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year! From the most awesome English Bulldog ever....my "little" Rocko!

I hope everyone had a great and safe Christmas and New Year's Eve/New Year's Day. Our holiday week was extremely busy but also a lot of fun and filled with friends and family. I really couldn't have asked for anything more. One of the highlights of the week was meeting my little niece Cadence for the very first time! She was born in April but since she lives in Florida we haven't gotten to see her yet. I absolutely fell in love with this little doll baby. I can't believe she lives so far away! I see some Florida trips in the near future!

This being my first holiday season sober, I didn't know what to expect. I am extremely fortunate that even with all of the family gatherings that I attended, I never once had to be around alcohol. I know this isn't the case for everyone so I am thankful for that. The living "one day at a time" certainly contributed to my stress level being much lower this year than in year's past. I knew I had a ton of stuff going on but I just didn't let myself get overwhelmed and worried about it like I have before. That doesn't mean I wasn't rushing around cleaning and cooking like a mad woman...that will probably never change. But it was a different feeling altogether and it was great!

I was so busy for a few days that I let myself get a little complacent about getting to meetings as often as I normally do. I went I believe 5 days without which is very unusual for me. I realize that I am not at a point where I can do that. I start getting way too irritible and discontent. I attempted to go to one on Monday night but as I was in the drive thru at Starbucks right before, I received a phone call that my family was on the way to the ER because Rocko and Will were playing rough like they usually do and this time Rocko's claw ended up on Will's lip. It ended up not even needing stitiches thank goodness but it was still a pretty good scare. Needless to say I didn't end up making my meeting that night. The next day I said come hell or high water I was getting to a meeting or I was going to commit homocide. HA! Lucky for everyone in my house I made it to one. And what a relief. Such a feeling of peace and contentment came over me. Amazing.

For New Year's Eve we didn't have any big plans. In fact we planned on just staying home. We usually travel on New Year's but we didn't this year. Certainly we weren't going to attend any big parties going on. I thought that I was okay with staying home. But as the afternoon progressed I started feeling kind of sorry for myself. Like, woe is me. I have to sit at home while everyone else goes out and does fun things. This is going to be just like any other night at home, nothing special. And don't get me wrong, I love nights at home. But I started to get in the self pity mode which is not a good place to be in. I knew there was a big New Year's event going on in the recovery community but I hadn't planned on going. Why not, I don't know. I started tossing the idea around of going. I started thinking it would be good for me to go and be around other people in recovery. So I discussed it with Tommy and we decided we would go out to eat and then to the recovery event. I picked myself up out of the funk, put on a sequined hot pink shirt and glittery eye shadow, and off we went. I was in a better mood even before we left the house because I started telling myself how silly I was being. Who says that just because I'm sober I have to sit at home in sweats on New Year's Eve. NO ONE that's who. Thank goodness my husband was willing to just get up and go out with me since that wasn't our original plan.

Most restaurants were extremely busy as to be expected but there was this new Japanese restaurant that wasn't too busy. We decided to try it out and when we walked in so did two of my longtime friends with their kids! We were doing hibachi so we ended up all sitting together and it was really a great time. I got to spend time with my husband, catch up with some old friends, and eat great food. After dinner Tommy and I killed some time shopping then we went to the recovery event downtown. I was SO glad that I decided to go. I was blessed with hearing a great speaker tell his story and spend some time with some friends I have made over the past year in this awesome sober community that we have. I told my sponsor I had been in a funk that afternoon and she said something that was very true: "Just remember, it's just another day." Very true. Yes, it was New Year's Eve but it was also just another day. Another day to celebrate sobriety, all the blessings in my life, and to spend an evening with good friends who genuinely care about me. Hubby and I came home after the event and relaxed and watched the NYE shows. We made it until midnight...barely!

So here's to 2011 being over and starting a brand new chapter in 2012. 2011 has been the best and worst year of my life. I like to think that the year didn't truly start until around mid May of 2011 because that is when I truly began becoming sober and that is when my life truly began in my eyes. I am so thankful for everything that I have today and hope to continue the sober trend into 2012 and beyond!

Merry Christmas!

I hope everyone is having a great holiday season! I know mine has been wonderful so far! Yesterday my husband and I exchanged gifts with each other as we always do on Christmas Eve. Santa was good to us both this year! We then went to his parent’s house for a yummy meal and present opening. This morning we got up and gave Tabi her presents from Santa. That girl normally can sleep until noon but wouldn't you know she was up before 8am ready for presents? She broke my 8am rule! HA This afternoon Will and Sheridan came to our house to see what Santa brought them and now we are all just enjoying the evening. I am BEAT though. I feel like I have a lot to do but taking things one day a time is really helping this year. I am not even stressed yet about what I have to do later in the week. And thank goodness because we still have two Christmas celebrations to go! On Wednesday I get to meet my niece for the very first time! She isn't even a year old yet and lives in Florida so we rarely get to see them. It will be great to see my stepsister, her hubby and precious little Cadence!

Here are some things that have been going on this holiday season for us....

Baby sister Tabi all dolled up for her Christmas dance...last one as she is a senior this year!

Check out Will looking right at me during his school Christmas program...HA!

Nothing makes Sheridan happier than books and gift cards to buy books!

My little nephew Brayden had his first Christmas this year!

Do you think Will likes this present from Mamaw and Papaw? I'm guessing yes

Santa brought a zip line to our house this year and put it up in the woods! It has some tweaking to make it perfect but once it is it will be an awesome toy to have!

"What Makes You Happy?"

When I went to rehab one of the things that made me the most nervous was having to live with a bunch of women for 30 days. I was never one of these people who needed a ton of "girlfriends" in which to hang out with and talk to all of the time. So to be "stuck" with a bunch of women for that long sounded awful to me. Who knew that I would walk away from that place with some of the best friends a girl could ask for? We were all so different yet we all shared the common bond of addiction/alcoholism which was huge. We UNDERSTOOD each other on a level that our "normal" friends never would. I still keep in contact with many of these women and probably always will. They were a huge part of what made my experience so amazing and life changing.

The sad thing is that not all of the women that I was in rehab with have remained sober since leaving. They tell us at rehab that most will not make it but I don't we really grasp it until we see it. I pray for these women every single day and hope that the ones who have not remained sober find their way back because they are all awesome people who deserve to be well.

A couple of nights ago I was talking to one of my closest friends from rehab. She is having some struggles in her sober journey and I hate that for her. I hope she can find her way because I love her dearly. We were discussing the "geographical cure" and I said to her that if you are happy you can be happy anywhere just like if you are truly unhappy you can be unhappy anywhere. She said, "What makes YOU happy?" To me the answer was simple: Sobriety. That is an all encompassing answer. Because of my sobriety, the rest of my life is now happy. I have a good marriage, I have a good relationship with my stepkids and my sister, I am grateful, I have the opportunity to meet amazing people from all walks of life, and I am happy with myself and my decisions today. I have bad days and get in bad moods - I am human. Everyone does. Being sober doesn't get rid of those days unfortunately. But overall, I am happier now than I've ever been.

This Christmas I get to be present. I get to enjoy every moment that happens. That is such a blessing and I never would have thought it could be this good. So thank you to all of those who have helped in this journey and that I can truly say AM happy.