Merry Christmas!

I hope everyone is having a great holiday season! I know mine has been wonderful so far! Yesterday my husband and I exchanged gifts with each other as we always do on Christmas Eve. Santa was good to us both this year! We then went to his parent’s house for a yummy meal and present opening. This morning we got up and gave Tabi her presents from Santa. That girl normally can sleep until noon but wouldn't you know she was up before 8am ready for presents? She broke my 8am rule! HA This afternoon Will and Sheridan came to our house to see what Santa brought them and now we are all just enjoying the evening. I am BEAT though. I feel like I have a lot to do but taking things one day a time is really helping this year. I am not even stressed yet about what I have to do later in the week. And thank goodness because we still have two Christmas celebrations to go! On Wednesday I get to meet my niece for the very first time! She isn't even a year old yet and lives in Florida so we rarely get to see them. It will be great to see my stepsister, her hubby and precious little Cadence!

Here are some things that have been going on this holiday season for us....

Baby sister Tabi all dolled up for her Christmas dance...last one as she is a senior this year!

Check out Will looking right at me during his school Christmas program...HA!

Nothing makes Sheridan happier than books and gift cards to buy books!

My little nephew Brayden had his first Christmas this year!

Do you think Will likes this present from Mamaw and Papaw? I'm guessing yes

Santa brought a zip line to our house this year and put it up in the woods! It has some tweaking to make it perfect but once it is it will be an awesome toy to have!

"What Makes You Happy?"

When I went to rehab one of the things that made me the most nervous was having to live with a bunch of women for 30 days. I was never one of these people who needed a ton of "girlfriends" in which to hang out with and talk to all of the time. So to be "stuck" with a bunch of women for that long sounded awful to me. Who knew that I would walk away from that place with some of the best friends a girl could ask for? We were all so different yet we all shared the common bond of addiction/alcoholism which was huge. We UNDERSTOOD each other on a level that our "normal" friends never would. I still keep in contact with many of these women and probably always will. They were a huge part of what made my experience so amazing and life changing.

The sad thing is that not all of the women that I was in rehab with have remained sober since leaving. They tell us at rehab that most will not make it but I don't we really grasp it until we see it. I pray for these women every single day and hope that the ones who have not remained sober find their way back because they are all awesome people who deserve to be well.

A couple of nights ago I was talking to one of my closest friends from rehab. She is having some struggles in her sober journey and I hate that for her. I hope she can find her way because I love her dearly. We were discussing the "geographical cure" and I said to her that if you are happy you can be happy anywhere just like if you are truly unhappy you can be unhappy anywhere. She said, "What makes YOU happy?" To me the answer was simple: Sobriety. That is an all encompassing answer. Because of my sobriety, the rest of my life is now happy. I have a good marriage, I have a good relationship with my stepkids and my sister, I am grateful, I have the opportunity to meet amazing people from all walks of life, and I am happy with myself and my decisions today. I have bad days and get in bad moods - I am human. Everyone does. Being sober doesn't get rid of those days unfortunately. But overall, I am happier now than I've ever been.

This Christmas I get to be present. I get to enjoy every moment that happens. That is such a blessing and I never would have thought it could be this good. So thank you to all of those who have helped in this journey and that I can truly say AM happy.

Wednesday Words of Wisdom

Bake-a-Palooza rounds 2 and 3!

Have I mentioned how much I love baking? Especially around the holidays? It calms me. That might sound strange to some people but I get so caught up in the baking and making everything look pretty that everything else in my mind just fades away. Today completed round #3. I still have one more round to take care of since we are doing some family stuff the week after Christmas this year. If only someone would come clean up after me!

Round #2

So to call this a "round" might be kind of odd since it's really only one thing. BUT, considering this is a two day project, I'm calling it a round. Okay? Thanks. HA

I made these sugar cookies for Christmas at my Grandma's house. This is my best friend's sugar cookie recipe which is legendary around here. This is a two day process but I love doing them! They taste good and they are so pretty!
Round #3

Round 3 was a bit more intensive. My husband asked me to bake tins full of goodies for some of his coworkers and I also wanted to make some for our neighbors. I have so many recipes that I love, it's hard to narrow down what to make. I figure I have enough baking to do that I can get it all in one way or the other!

In the tins that I made today there were some of the same things that I made last week - snickerdoodles, red velvet cake balls, hard candy (mint this time!) and peanut brittle. In addition to those things I made:

White Chocolate topped Gingerbread Cookies - These are SO good fresh out of the oven! So soft and just the right amount of both white chocolate and gingerbread flavor. I made these pretty small and they made a lot. Definitely adding this to my yearly Christmas goody list!

Chocolate Peppermint Cookies - I've made these before and they are kind of a pain but so worth it. They taste so good and they are so pretty when finished. That Martha Stewart sure knows what's up!

Puppy Chow - What can you say about puppy chow? Super easy, super yummy, and everyone loves it. Any questions?

Peppermint Bark - I will probably double this recipe next time. I just made mine into a sheet of bark instead of the cool snowflakes shown on the site where I found the recipe. I didn't buy molds in time but next year I will!

One week until Christmas!

One week until Christmas! I give you our silly family picture from this holiday season...HA! The REAL us!

Wednesday Words of Wisdom

Love this. So true. We aren't the ones in control...

Bake-a-palooza 2011 has begun!

I have always loved to bake. My mom and I used to always get together and bake at Christmas - some years we went crazier with it than others to say the least. Last year I didn't do much baking. For one, we were in a condo because our house had just burnt down a month prior to Christmas. And two, I'm sure I was too busy going out and drinking to worry about such things. So happy that this year I actually care about all of those things that I once upon a time loved doing!

So yesterday began....Bake-a-palooza 2011! I love giving baked goods as gifts. I'm not working this year, BUT I am still friends with a lot of people from the place where I worked for 7 years. They always LOVED when I would bring in bags of goodies at Christmas so I decided to bake for them this year. I baked all day yesterday and delivered them today - hope they enjoy!!! I have quite a few more days ahead of me baking so stay tuned for more!

(Pictures from my kitchen)
Here is the rundown from day 1 of baking (click on the name to link to the recipe)

Peanut Brittle (bottom left picture)
I've made this peanut brittle for years and it turns out perfect every time. Make sure you make friends with your candy thermometer and don't try to multi task with this one. It needs your love the entire time!

Cinnamon hard candy (top left picture)
Again, make friends with the candy thermometer on this one. You can make it whatever flavor you want! I only did cinnamon this time but have the stuff for both mint and root beer!

Simply Sinful Cinnamon Muffins
This was the first time I have made these muffins and oh my goodness am I glad that I did. I didn't have rolled oats so just used regular Quaker oats and it was fine. I used butterscotch chips which I think gave them great flavor. I'll be making these again for sure!

Chocolate and Toffee Bars (bottom right picture)
I made these a couple of years back and forgot to put them on my blog so I've been looking forever for the recipe! I finally found it! These are so rich so I cut them into pretty small pieces most of the time. Delicious!

Candy Cane Blossoms(top right picture)
These are just a cute, simple, and festive looking sugar cookie for the holidays. I think the kids would love doing these!

Snickerdoodles
This is my go-to snickerdoodle recipe. I always use this one and people love them. Perfect every time!

Red Velvet Cake Balls (below)
This was the first time I've made these little balls of yummy goodness. Dipping anything in chocolate is a pain in the rear but man these are good. I especially like them straight out of the refrigerator. This recipe makes a BUNCH. I am freezing half of them to use in some gift boxes this weekend.

(Pictures from my kitchen)

Tomorrow and Friday I'll be baking for Christmas at my Grandma's this weekend, for neighbors and for a group of friends I'll be hanging out with Thursday night. I think everyone thinks I'm nuts but I love it! :)

It's Beginning to Look a lot like Christmas!

I have always, always loved Christmas. I love decorating, wrapping gifts, baking goodies, Christmas services at church...pretty much everything involved. When I was little we would drive around looking at Christmas lights and I couldn't wait to see them and look in the sky for Santa and his sleigh! Now that I'm "grown up" (or something like that...) I have my own family, my own house to decorate, and my own kids to start holiday traditions with. Last weekend we decorated our house and it was extra fun this year because a) I'm sober and b) we are in a new house this year! To say I go slightly overboard at Christmas...well....take a look...

Rocko just wants to come outside and help us hang the lights....

Front porch all ready for Santa!

My husband is a University of Kentucky grad so we had to have a UK themed tree

This is my candy and sweets themed tree. I have always wanted one of these since I was little and now I finally have one :) Sheridan loves helping me with this one

This is our big family tree. Every ornament on this tree has a story behind it. Some are older than I am. My ornaments are some of my most prized posessions. When our house burnt these boxes were far enough in the attic to survive. Thank God. Every year I buy everyone a new ornament and that is the first ornament that goes on the tree. Someday when the kids have their own trees they can take these ornaments with them and be reminded of our tradition.

And the newest addition to our decor this year....a leg lamp! No Christmas is complete to me without The Christmas Story. I used to watch it so much that my Granny hid it from me so she wouldn't have to watch it anymore. So now I have a little bit of it in my own house. HA

I'm so thankful this Christmas to have everything that I have. I think it might just be the best one yet!

Seven

Seven months ago on this day - May 1st - I was scared to death. I had hit rock bottom and had FINALLY surrendered to the fact that I was very sick. I think I had known it for awhile but I was finally to the point where I was ready to accept help. After having a panic attack the night before I knew that something had to give. I was fortunate enough to have a husband who was willing to help me get the help that I needed. May 1st was a Sunday. I was so out of my head that I had my husband give me Xanax to calm me down. I had it prescribed for when I flew - this time I wanted it because I knew I couldn't drink but I needed SOMETHING. I had at this point agreed to go to treatment. I wanted to go away - I NEEDED to go away. I had tried outpatient treatment here and I needed more than that. I had no idea what was about to happen to my life, I just knew that I was ready to do whatever I needed to do to save my family and my life. I've never really had that feeling of not even knowing where I would be the next day but I had it on that Sunday. We were waiting until Monday to go to the treatment center where I was doing outpatient so I could be referred to an inpatient facility away from here. So that Sunday was a waiting game for me. I have never felt so lost, so restless, so helpless, and so fearful. That was 7 months ago today.

The next day I was referred to a treatment center in Nashville, TN which is about 3 hours from where I live. I was told around 10 am that morning that I could be admitted that evening. I wasn't expecting it to go so fast. I guess I thought somehow I could just put it off until "tomorrow" just like I had with everything else in my life. But by 3 o'clock that afternoon I was on the road with my husband driving me to an unknown place with unknown people and an unknown way of life. I think at that point I started to actually FEEL for the first time in a LONG time. I was scared. I was nervous. I was excited in a way. I had no idea what was going to happen when we got there. By the time we got there it was dark. It was rainy. It was fitting. After a couple of hours of paperwork and assessments I was in. For 30 days. Guess they decided I was sick enough to be there. I was still in BS mode on some level and the guy doing my assessment told my husband that he could see right through me. Hm. When my husband left I felt so alone. I felt like I was in some crazy dream. I was in medical wing of a treatment center sleeping across from the nurses station. I was being given blood tests, urine tests, waiting on my luggage to go through security....all at 11 o'clock at night. I was ready though. I was willing. I still at this point thought everyone around me was WAY sicker than I was. I was not as bad as "these people" I thought. I had lied to myself for so long that it was still easy to do so at that point. That first day there was Monday, May 2nd which is my sobriety date. That is the first day I had nothing to drink, no pills, nothing. What a life changing day that turned out to be. I have a lot more to say about my experience there but I'll save that for another day. I can say this - if you have the opportunity to go away to treatment and you are ready to be willing and open minded, do it. Go. It saved me.

Now 7 months later I look back on those two days and wonder who that person was. I look the same on the outside aside from gaining some much needed weight. But on the inside I could not be more different than that girl who walked into that treatment center. I owe everyone there my life. The friends that I made, the counselors who worked with me, the doctors who helped me understand that this is a disease, the people at the meetings that we were taken to, the alumni who came back to speak at the treatment center and the nurses who dealt with so many things on a daily basis with those going through heavy detox.

Making the decision 7 months ago to get help was the single best decision I have ever made. I am now a better everything - stepmother, sister, wife, daughter, best friend, aunt, granddaughter, sister-in-law, friend, and member of society. It has not always been easy. I have had some dark days. But I am willing to do anything and everything that I need to do to keep this way of life. Everyone says that you will be amazed at how much better life gets and it is true. Even after only 7 months sometimes I look around and just want to scream with excitement at how grateful I am. I'm grateful to know that I'm not the only one and that there are others who "get" me. I'm grateful to know that I'm a good person, just a sick person. I'm grateful to know that I don't have to drink when life gets crazy. I'm grateful to everyone who stuck by me when I was going through my dark times.

I'm rambling now but I wanted to get this out there tonight. Tomorrow I will get my seven month chip. I'll send a picture of it to my husband and to my mom after the meeting. I think that picture every month means just as much to them as it does to me.

Grateful to be alive and sober tonight.